Winter Solstice is officially upon us. Tomorrow at 12:30 a.m. the longest night begins. People everywhere will be holding vigil, staying up through the long dark to welcome the return of the sun.
I’ll be lighting a candle and writing in my journal about what I’m releasing.
I’ve got a lot to release.
Over the last year I’ve come to embrace a spirituality that requires no labels. In a pinch, I identify as ‘pagan’ but in practice, I think I’m a secular humanist. I think the tools of ritual and meditation, and even of magic can be very powerful, but these feel to me like psychological tools. They work, definitely, but I’m unconvinced that there is anything even remotely close to a ‘personal deity’ with whom I can have any kind of connection or relationship. When I consider a ‘higher power’, I feel like the universe in and of itself is enough. I don’t need to look any further than the seedling for the miraculous. While I recognize the power of connecting with an archetype, I’m not a polytheist.
The closest I get to the truth is this: Everything is G_D. (Which, I think, makes me a monist, but whatever…)
Paganism has been good to me, and I appreciate all I’ve learned through my studies. I still feel a strong resonance with druidry (a la OBOD) and will probably maintain my ties with that organization, but the label ‘Bard’? Not so much. The label ‘Pagan’? Not so much. The practice of spell making and ritual feel like candy where what my mind and spirit wants is meatier fare. Pagan temples and organizations seem fraught with egotism and a dangerous brand of magical thinking.
I want a deep connection with the tides of life. Seasonal awareness. Stillness. Mindfulness. That’s what I choose. It cost me a lot to figure that out, but it was worth the price.
I remain open. I’m still a mystic, because I embrace the mystery and wonder in every tradition, but I’m no longer interested in hanging my spiritual hat on one hook.
Life’s a buffet. I want to taste it all.
Effy, I can relate to everything you have written. I just wanted you to know that.
Having been burnt by mega egotism and shunning in a local pagan group a few years back, I’ve done a lot of rethinking of labels myself. I do not identify as Pagan anymore.. Spiritual is the one that feels easiest to wear although Mystic so intrigues me…but I worry I’m not mystical enough to use that label :) Part of my releasing this solstice began with releasing the PTSD I was carrying due to aforementioned community drama. I’m ready to be done hiding and step out of the shadows to be me.
And yes to a simple spiritual truth/practice/being that honors connection to all, season wisdom and being present. Amen, sister :)
I love you
The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.
Buddha
I relate on what you have said on every level. I got kicked out of my “group” over the summer. Honestly, my heart was not in it. I didn’t belong there and it was time to come to terms with it.
I am at a point where I am okay with my spiritual self, it fulfills me and brings me peace. Not that it has been an easy path and it will be a long time before I ever join another group.
For now, let’s just follow our hearts and see where they take us :)
Candy. That’s such a good description. A number of years ago, I got suckered by a “teacher.” Every time I’d ask Where’s the beef? The answer was Take the next class. Since it was clear to me that I’d done oodles more study, reading, and work than the other participants, I blindly believed that the curriculum would eventually catch up with my position, and I’d ride the wave forward from there. As it turned out, the teacher and 90% of what he taught turned out to be a steaming pile. Two plus years later, I’m still trying to figure out what I believe and searching for ways to rebuild the optimism, confidence, and deep spiritual grounding, but this time on solid principles rather than feel-good lies.
I applaud you for finding out who You are and how you fit in the world without reference to some teacher’s or some organization’s definition of what they think you Should be. In fact, that may be one of my highest wishes for everybody.
Go, you! Go, me! And three cheers for all of us working it out.
yes, yes and many more yeses….
it’s taken me quite some time and a fair bit of wrangling, but yeah, wot you said. :)
i will be holding you in my heart as i commit my bundle to the flames in the wee hours….may you find peace in ink and candlelight….
much, much love to you….xoxoxox
Oh Effie,
As I have been working this morning, your podcasts have been happily chirping away in the background. It occurred to me that although the birds are sleeping now, but your hopeful voice and message is cheering me as they do on this cold winter day. You are such a loving spirit. Keep up the important work you are doing and know that there are others, like me, quietly listening and smiling because you are as close as our hearts to enjoy!
Blessings, Madam Nancy