The light streaming in through my front window is amber. The leaves on the magnolia tree out front are a deep yellow, and the tree across the street is turning red. The backyard is a fall-themed montage everywhere I look. Piles of leaves. That perpetual scent of rain. Patio furniture stacked and waiting for tarps to be draped over them like winter coats.
The wheel has turned and I feel Autumn in my blood. The body wants to gather up everything there is to gather before first frost and take inventory. It wants to assess what I’ll need to get me through ’till spring.
The body is wise.
Autumn and Spring are my favourite seasons. Summer is too hot, and winter is too cold, too isolating. Spring is full of hope and Autumn is full of delicious melancholy.
I’m basking in it. Making drawings and paintings that reflect the mood. Stocking up on ideas to work on in the blustery months. Making plans to stave off the icy blues of winter.
I don’t spend a lot of time writing these days, but I want to. I want to include writing in my daily life. Things are a little off kilter right now. I have this idea that I must keep on pushing the envelope of what I’m capable of doing if I’m going to make my creative business work. I am beginning to suspect that this isn’t the way. Less might be more. Quality over quantity. I’m trying to figure out how to make that work with my own very powerful drive to do do do go go go, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet.
Is there such a thing as too prolific?
Next year, BOD-Premium will take on a new format. One post a week containing all the content for the week. The same amount of stuff, only delivered in a package instead of sprinkled out over a seven day period.
I’m excited about this. It will allow me to stay ahead of the game at all times. It will give me an easier-to-manage schedule.
I’m also planning on taking summers off. I want time to go camping with the Manfingy. I want time to plan and create courses for my peeps. Right now any time I have has to be eked out. I want a stretch of time every year in which I can recharge.
Frustration: My kids are fighting. They are boys, very close in age, and were roommates for a while. The things they are saying about one another are devastating for a mother to hear and the temptation is to grab them both by the ear and drag them to time out. But they are GROWN UPs now, and that is not only not possible, it’s ridiculous. I need to step out of it, snap out of it. I can’t be mommy. I have to be Switzerland.
I’m not good at being Switzerland, but so far, so good.
As if that wasn’t enough, after over a $1000 in necessary car repairs at the beginning of the month, the car needs another $400 or so worth of work. Ball joints or something or other. Yes, we can borrow the money from MIL, but that means we’re making monthly payments we can’t really afford…
And, to top it all off, my old NING network autobilled me for the year. I *thought* it was set to autobill later this week, but I thought wrong. I had no intention of keeping it going. It stood there as a nasty reminder of past failures, and past traumas. I can’t even look at the title or the site design without cringing. Too many bad memories. Plus, this auto-bill wiped out my paypal AND the remaining credit on my credit card. I had to cancel a bunch of subscriptions (temporarily, but still! What a pain!) I *almost* took it personally. It *almost* felt like a final kick in the teeth from that awful time in my life ~ a necessary time of learning how to move in a world that can be less than kind at times, but still ~ awful, and I could have done without the reminder + cash drain.
This could impact my mood if I let it, and once in a while, when it rushes me like stress sometimes does, I do let it. But like I said in my BOD on Monday ~ I can rise above most anything. Happiness is a choice I make. It has everything to do with attitude. I will do what I can to see about a refund and/or applying the payment to one of my existing NINGs, but I will not dwell in the uck and ack and grrrr place for long. I will gaze out my front window and think about the delicious things I have planned this week ~ dinner with S and my friend, Z. Plans with A. A party on Friday. A sleepover + Game Of Thrones marathon on Saturday. Another party on Sunday.
It’s a good life, despite the busy + frustrating hiccoughs. I’m going to soak up the last remnants of warmth the season has to offer. I’m going to look over my plans and focus on getting ‘er done. I’m going to do some good self-care. I’m going to attend to what is beautiful.
Last week in my art journals