I got through the holidays season without smoking, and believe me, that wasn’t easy. To say that I’m proud of myself is only a joke. I want to set the scene for you: It’s Christmas Eve. I’m completely emo. I am pissed off about something Manfingy said. I am, in fact, devastated because I don’t do ‘upset’, really. I do despair. True fact. From zero to omg doom in the second it takes to suck your teeth at me or roll your eyes or say something completely innocent yet easy to misinterpret.
A part of this overwhelming sensitivity is due to the smoking cessation medication I’m on. A part of it is the time of year.
Anyway….Christmas Eve. Something’s been said. I didn’t like it. I was SO READY TO SMOKE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. It was early in the a.m.. I’d been feeling like crap for days (coming down with something, bad toothache, smoking cessation drug that makes me miserable) and I had HAD IT.
I put my coat on and walked half way to the store.
And then I stood in the silent night with one hand on a tree truck and the other balled into a frustrated little fist.
I changed my mind.
I walked home.
I cried for *hours*.
That isn’t hyperbole. I literally cried for hours. My face is still puffy two days later.
And everything was Sultan’s fault. Everything. And I told him so. And, okay, he wasn’t the most sensitive human being on the planet in that moment, but also, I was completely hysterical.
We kissed and made up some time around 6 in the morning and caught a few hours sleep before welcoming the family home to hang out, watch movies and gorge on Chinese food, cheese, crackers, and almost $200 worth of other crap I bought in a fit of “OMG WE HAVE TO HAVE AN EXCESS OF THIS SHIT IN THE HOUSE OR IT ISN’T CHRISTMAS.”
We had a wonderful, relaxing time, and let me tell you, crawling into the bed at the end of the night and snuggling my amazing manfingy (who puts up with my neurotic, medicated, ex-smoking self) was amazing.
This is real life, and sometimes it ain’t pretty, but it’s REAL LIFE and I got through some seriously real life this past week. Without smoking. And I woke up this morning feeling like if I could get through this Christmas without smoking, I could get through ANYTHING.