I’m really loving it as a practice in mindfulness. I’m loving it as a way to collect BOD Fodder. I’m loving it because I always have something to write to you about, and pictures to show you.
I discovered a website that lets you search hashtags, create galleries of your photos to embed in your blog (like the one above) and other fun things. It’s called Webstagram and I am kind of swooning over it. I am really loving ProjectLife365, but couldn’t figure out a non-Facebook way to track what other participants were up to. Now I can, and that makes me happy.
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There are no adequate words to use to tell you what I’m currently experiencing. I’m doing VisionQuest2013 with Cat Carecelo AND The Red Madonna with Shiloh and Caron McCloud and I am tackling some things I didn’t know I needed to tackle.
Oh, the mother wound. How it bleeds and throbs and aches. Even now.
Since the end of 2011 (which saw the end of a rather ‘important-to-me-but-apparently-not-so-much-to-her’ friendship, which sounds bitter, but is just a realistic assessment), I have been super hermity. When people have reached out to befriend me, I have shrunk and weaved and dodged and locked my door and ignored my phone. On line is FINE because I can totally control that shit. Arms length, turn it off when it gets too close, etc. etc. but in person? Uh, no. Thank you. While I have been social at times throughout 2012 I can only describe my social activities as ‘shallow’ at best EXCEPT for interactions I had at the two festivals I attended last year, (Hi, Allegonda! Hi Brian! Hi Christin!) and, of course, for my relationship with Manfingy, which is as deep as ever.
I thought I was just feeling particularly introverted and in need of solitude, but in actual fact, I was guarded and not up for having my heart broken. I wasn’t willing to take any risks at all. I was all about trusting my own instincts, which I believe were correct in steering me clear of anything more dramatic dinner with acquaintances. I wasn’t ready to tackle what’s really going on beneath the friendship thing.
I think I am now.
I’ve adopted ‘Open’ as my word of the year and the universe appears to be taking me up on it. “Oh yeah? You want to be open, eh? Well, here, then…” and Effy cracks wide open (into a bazillion little puzzle pieces that go back to early childhood).
I’m game, though, so don’t worry about me. Nothing is as exciting for me as tackling a new layer of the onion that is Effy.
xo
The Effinator
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Love your photos!!
I understand your feelings, and how brave you are to “OPEN” to all of your stuff. But oh how shiny and sparkly and glittery you will be when you work through some of those layers! Sending you lots of love and hugs!
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Thanks, Lisa!! I have really been enjoying the heck out of Instagram!! And yeah! It’s going to be awesome when I move through some of this!
I’m your friend and I promise never to break your heart. I’m very fortunate to have some wonderful in-person friends. Two of them I’ve known since I was 12 years old…that’s 43 years of unconditional love! I am well and truly blessed. And now I have you and our dear BOD Squad! How lucky can a person get?!?! :D
I believe you. Every word. Xo
Friendship should feel like the cozy sweater you pull out whenever you want that all over , melt into it, feeling. I have a few friends like that, friendships that have endured years and now as I have moved away many many miles. So Effy, open your heart, have no fear, having wonderful friendships are the spice of life. Dont feel that it always requires in person interactions, but those are also great to feed the friend-well. I have friends I havent seen in person in 20 yrs, yet i can pick up the phone and make the call , send the text, and it will be as if we are picking up the same convo we started 20 yrs ago. Dont look back and enjoy !!
I have that with Sultan, but not with anyone else. My daughter, maybe…
It might be that I am just not capable of maintaining very many friendships…and I think I’m ok with that.
I am determined to start taking these photos, in fact today, now… to be mindful and present, inspired by your post and taking the energy and running with it. I so appreciate everything you share here. I’m not entirely sure you realize the kinds of transformations you’re causing around you via the ripple effect, but for myself personally it’s been a monumental 6 months… maybe not so much what everyone else sees, but the view with my inner eye has definitely morphed into something magickal ;))
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This comment thrilled me. :)
I feel like I get what you mean. It seems like all my in-person close female friendships end up breaking up worse than a romantic relationship. It’s such a trend that I can’t help but wonder if it’s -me- and that’s the part that makes me hesitant to get back out on the “dating” scene of friendship IRL. :/
I totally feel you, Cara!! The second guessing is awful.
I have been getting my camera out more often…so thank you for the inspiration. <3
Tammy Gray recently posted..My intentions for the year, illustrated. ♥