I’m really loving it as a practice in mindfulness. I’m loving it as a way to collect BOD Fodder. I’m loving it because I always have something to write to you about, and pictures to show you.
I discovered a website that lets you search hashtags, create galleries of your photos to embed in your blog (like the one above) and other fun things. It’s called Webstagram and I am kind of swooning over it. I am really loving ProjectLife365, but couldn’t figure out a non-Facebook way to track what other participants were up to. Now I can, and that makes me happy.
There are no adequate words to use to tell you what I’m currently experiencing. I’m doing VisionQuest2013 with Cat Carecelo AND The Red Madonna with Shiloh and Caron McCloud and I am tackling some things I didn’t know I needed to tackle.
Oh, the mother wound. How it bleeds and throbs and aches. Even now.
Since the end of 2011 (which saw the end of a rather ‘important-to-me-but-apparently-not-so-much-to-her’ friendship, which sounds bitter, but is just a realistic assessment), I have been super hermity. When people have reached out to befriend me, I have shrunk and weaved and dodged and locked my door and ignored my phone. On line is FINE because I can totally control that shit. Arms length, turn it off when it gets too close, etc. etc. but in person? Uh, no. Thank you. While I have been social at times throughout 2012 I can only describe my social activities as ‘shallow’ at best EXCEPT for interactions I had at the two festivals I attended last year, (Hi, Allegonda! Hi Brian! Hi Christin!) and, of course, for my relationship with Manfingy, which is as deep as ever.
I thought I was just feeling particularly introverted and in need of solitude, but in actual fact, I was guarded and not up for having my heart broken. I wasn’t willing to take any risks at all. I was all about trusting my own instincts, which I believe were correct in steering me clear of anything more dramatic dinner with acquaintances. I wasn’t ready to tackle what’s really going on beneath the friendship thing.
I think I am now.
I’ve adopted ‘Open’ as my word of the year and the universe appears to be taking me up on it. “Oh yeah? You want to be open, eh? Well, here, then…” and Effy cracks wide open (into a bazillion little puzzle pieces that go back to early childhood).
I’m game, though, so don’t worry about me. Nothing is as exciting for me as tackling a new layer of the onion that is Effy.