Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous
Sanity is to be found in accurate honesty to oneself. ~ David Bain
I’ve been noodling about honesty over the last few weeks as a result of my willing and earnest immersion in the program of recovery I’ve undertaken. Alcoholism is cunning, and most of what trips up the alcoholic (or any addict) is the dishonesty that arises as a result of shame.
Because most of us have been led through our culture to believe that addiction is a *moral* issue, shame becomes our closest companion. I’m incredibly lucky in the sense that my early tenure in Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous (back in my twenties) allowed me to understand that alcoholism is a disease, not a character defect.
I need feel no shame over having a disease, and if I’m being perfectly honest with you, I *don’t*. I feel absolutely no shame whatsoever, any more than I’d feel shame over having cancer or a chemical imbalance or the flu.
I do have shame, though, and the shame comes from the ways in which alcoholism has caused me to behave in my past. Part of recovery is (only when you’re ready) taking a moral inventory, examining thoroughly and fearlessly, the behaviours and parts of self we are ashamed of. This takes radical honesty ~ an honesty that leaves no room for ego or self-denigration. The purpose of taking this inventory is so that you can allow change to flow into your life.
You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.
Shame breeds in secret, in denial, in the lies we tell ourselves when we’re attempting to justify our shitty choices or behaviour. Shame grows in the places we don’t shine the light of our self-awareness and introspection.
Here’s something I think I know for sure: Our vulnerabilities are the source of our strength. Sigmund Freud said that and though I’m not a proponent of Freudian psychology (I’m more of a Jung girl), I feel the truth of that statement in my bones, in my center, in my very root.
The things we hide, the things we keep secret are just waiting to be transformed. They are the LEAD that we turn to GOLD when we bring them out of the shadow and into the light. A terror of abandonment is just WAITING to be transformed into personal sovereignty. Self-centeredness is waiting to be transformed into service. Denial is waiting to be transformed into awareness. Addiction is waiting to be transformed into freedom.
Honesty is the only way through. Only by saying “I’m selfish as fuck” can we then figure out a) why and b) how to change it. Only by embracing that truth as our truth in the moment, only when we quit shaming and suppressing and start shining our (glorious, God-given) light on all our dark places can we do what I like to think of as The Great Work of becoming the person we were born to be.
Alcoholics have a disease, but there is a treatment and it begins with honesty. My name is Effy, and I’m an alcoholic. That’s the truth. Alcohol is baffling, cunning and powerful. Truth. I can’t manage my drinking and therefore, I am powerless over alcohol. Truth. When I drink, my life is unmanageable. Truth. I can’t stop drinking by myself. Truth. I need help if I’m going to recover. Truth.
Drinking makes me insane. Truth.
Sobriety = sanity.
Truth.
xo
Effy
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❤ ❤ “Truth will set you free”, that is a phrase I know to be true for many things I have lived in my life as well Effy, though it may not have been alcohol, but I know many other things can align with what you have written here…
Stay strong, for we may be weak, but in God’s hands we become strong as our weaknesses turn into strengths….
❤ ❤
Elizabeth Aviles
xx
Thank you, sweetness! xo
I love that you are so open and honest with us. It is you openness that most attracts me to you — your beautiful art is secondary for me. You — Effy — the woman, the person is the GOLD in all you offer us. I love you and am so proud of you and proud to call you my friend! Keep up the good work girl!
I’m proud to call YOU friend, so it’s totes mutual, lovely!
You give me chills my love!!!!!!!
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Thank you, sweetness. <3
Bravery incarnate=you ! Brava, Im giving you a standing O ;)
*Bows gracefully before you* Thank you m’dear! xo
“Many have recovered if they have the capacity to be honest.” Being honest with myself is absolutely the key to my recovery. And over the years, the level of honesty deepens, uncovering new opportunities to grow. I have been graced with the courage to be honest.
It honestly feels like the last 20 years were preparing me for THIS because I grok honesty and I grok it’s power and it’s efficacy in dealing with ANYTHING. I’m so proud to know you, Ariel. xo
You are so generous to allow us to walk this path with you!
I applaud you.
What you have written about honesty is perfect on so many levels.
My book of days, which is nearly finished, evolved right away into being my book of truth, and over the course of just a bit more than a year, I delved deep into my truth. I would catch myself thinking about it at odd times and noises would come from the deepest parts of me as memories surfaced of truths I had buried.
It has been an amazing journey! This powerful word will not leave just because the exercise is over.
I will keep on this path of my truth.
Your truth is a shining example!
Rock on, you Goddess!
Rock on yourself beautiful GODDESS of the BOD! <3
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see you, hear you, love you…
rockin’ my world…xo
Love you back. I’m SO GLAD we got to hang out and I can’t WAIT to do it again!
I really needed to read the second-to-last paragraph. Beautiful!
I’m happy you found it, Yoli! xo
Oh my. This hit a nerve, Effy. Only because I know that I need to get myself to this place of thinking. Back and forth, back and forth, I go. The mind is an insane part of our being. The soul knows, but the mind argues and often wins.
You are already on the path. <3
You go girl, one day at a time. So grateful for the 20 years of recovery I have been blessed with. No addict need every die, my gratitude speaks when I care and when I share with others……..
I am so encouraged by the support and recovery that the Tribe has shown. Grateful for the wonders of the web that bring us all together.
“Truth Visiting…
Be prepared to risk everything you hold precious
for the truth inside you.
TRUTH is EMPOWERING
And to speak the truth
Is to overcome the fear of death.
And on the other side of hell
lies paradise….
I found this on the back of a Jane Evershed greeting card in the early 1990s.
Sweetheart, your post gave me the chills! I believe I could feel our souls touch.
Damn, you have a gorgeous way of sharing ALL of your bits in ALL their dark beauty – regardless of their color – from Lead to Gold! The way you describe this culture of shame, it’s no wonder we all lay in broken & discarded pieces! I count myself lucky to have such a friend who can share what it looks like to walk a path filled with truth and transformation! And it’s no surprise that your rich inner life draws so many others into your light. Thank you for being you; for standing in your ‘story’ with your head held high. You are beautiful & I love you.
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