Permission To Suck

When I started knitting, I didn't start out knitting granny squares. I started with socks, because there is a force within me that says "If you master the hardest thing first, everything else will feel easy."

It took me several months to master socks, and I got to the point where I could, without a pattern, knit up a sock, gusset included, on double pointed needles, in a matter of a few days. I could knit knee high socks and crew socks, and pretty much any kind of sock you can imagine. I could add cables to my socks, too. I slayed socks. Socks became my thing.

Socks taught me lace because lots of the socks out there have lace as part of the pattern, so for a while there, I knit lace shawls.

I wish I had pictures, but they went with an old laptop that died. Trust me. I could knit, and I was right. Having mastered socks, I could knit pretty much anything. (more…)

The Year Of The Blog

I want 2014 to be the year I blog my face off. I want to be back in touch with my soul. I want to shed the armour I built up in 2012 & 2013. I want to extract all the thorns I've been wearing for self-protection. I want to let them fall to the ground. I want to risk. I want to be open. I want to trust. I want to write when the spirit moves me to write without feeling like I'm walking a tight rope of propriety or non-offensiveness or TMI.

Fuck the fear of writing, of self-revelation. It gets me no where. It gives me a headache. It renders me voiceless and small and dull and boring.

I declare 2014 'The Year Of The Blog". I will be coming in here often and with no holds barred. I will be venting my spleen and waxing poetic. I will share my art and my process. I will share my dreams and my fears. I will share my disappointments and my triumphs. I'm not interested in having a 'niche blog' that only covers mixed media art. *Yawn*. I'm not interested in using my blog to 'market' myself. I'm interested in using my blog for self-inquiry. I'm interested in writing because writing is good for me. I'm interested in connection, in being out there, in dreaming out loud.

It's what I do best.

***

I have nothing earth shattering to begin with today, though, so sorry for the anti-climax. Hah! I started the New Year off with a gorgeous spread for Moonshine, and then I sat down to play in Life Book. (Snapshots below!) I did a bunch of written journaling that helped me really nail down what my word of the year (EASE) means to me and how to go about getting more of that into my life. I made a huge pot of homemade beef stew and a loaf of French bread in my new bread maker (oh my god, fresh bread!). I tidied. I puttered. I planned.

Moonshine 2014 #1 - The Open Door

Life Book 2014 Warm Up

1 warm up

Life Book 2014 Lesson #1 (In Progress)

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It's been really cold here. We open the door to let the dogs out, and BLAST! Icy wind comes barreling through the house like a runaway train. The air feels hostile and it hurts to breathe. The ice storm we had Christmas week took out one of our beloved trees, and the backyard looks like a tornado hit it, what with all the fallen branches all over the place. It's been too damned cold to get out there to do anything about it, so we've left it there, looking sad and ruined.

I have to venture out today, and I'm grumpy about it. It's therapy day (every Friday at 1!) and I don't drive, so I'll be bundling up in layers for a walk. I'm hoping my nose doesn't run because I HATE THAT and I'm planning on treating myself to a manicure when I'm done. Then home to heat up leftovers for dinner and get some more work done.

***

My inner landscape is weird lately. I had to make some difficult decisions over the holidays that left me feeling like I shut the door on adventure and fun. I opted for rooted and comfortable instead. There is a sense of relief over this choice because it is totally in alignment with what I need right now, but there's grief, too, because letting go is never easy even when we know it's the best possible choice we can make. Despite this grief, despite the regret, I am content. I have eased into being at peace with the life I've chosen. I've fully embraced my desire for uncomplicated, for no stress, for home base, for the devils I know. Being here, now. Being in it and fully committed with no 'outs' or 'ifs' or 'buts' or 'maybes'.

Here. Now.

In this life I'm making.

 

 

 

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