I’m feeling particularly pretty today. I am heading out to Cedarmoon to hang out with fabulous people and participate in a Pan Tribute. Pan is one of my favourite archetypal energies. I love him for his wild nature, his raucous sexuality, his unashamed bestial nature. I love that he is shadow cavorting in light. While I don’t work with the masculine divine very often, I do feel very ‘tapped’ by Pan’s energy. I feel as though, while I may not explicitly be a devotee, we know one another well and he gets me.
When I talk like this, I always feel some pressure to explain that I am not a polytheist in the strict sense of the word. I do not believe Pan, or any of the other deities that pagans work with *actually exist* as entities. But I do believe the stories about him represent a particular kind of energy – an energy I resonate with. It is as though these stories strike the strings within us. Some sound clear, high notes, and others are discordant and hurt our ears. The ones that strike like silver bells for me are the ones I pay attention to. Pan may not be a ‘being’, but he is, like the wind, like the scent of patchouli, something I’m intimate with, something I *know*.
I’m not a believer. I’m a skeptic. I know that woo woo happens – especially when I’m attuned to it, but I believe there is a natural explanation. I don’t believe in the supernatural. I don’t believe that the laws of nature or physics are broken by the application of magic. I don’t ‘believe’ in or have ‘faith’ in God or the gods.
I just know that sometimes, I align myself with the universe in such a way that, just as my strings get struck in just the right way, I strike the string of the universe in just the right way, and things go easier for me. I feel differently. I am in a groove that feels sexy and alive and full of meaning.
So, this is me today. I dressed up for an energy. I put on smoky eyeshadow and pretty lipstick and dabbed essential oils on my pulse points. I intend to gather up as much of this energy as I can and take it inside me. I plan to give back what I have to give. I plan to engage, to dance a sacred dance as one tiny cell in the body of the universe, knowing that my dance is a part of the swirling dance of the All There Is. I’m also going to take my boots off and squish my toes in the earth. I’m going to bask in the glow of a fire and in the love and friendship of my pagan tribe. I’m going to have a sleepover and be silly with mah girlfriends. I’m going to behave outrageously and raucously and full-throatedly and wholeheartedly.
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