Hey, sweet tater! I have missed you. I’ve been super hunkered down feeling my feels and working and journaling and making art for the classes I’m teaching and editing and…you know…hanging in there. :) I have a lot to share with you today, so let me just dive on in.
Grief and Art
“I love myself because” – Painted for BOD – Mixed media in my art journal
If you’re new here, you might not know that my ten year marriage ended in February and I moved out in the early part of June. This has been devastating and confusing and a bit of a wild ride with lots of uncertainty and the prerequisite cryptic vaguebooking and the waffling between fierce compassion and rage. All my triggers are activated. All my old wounds are wide open and oozing.
But I’m okay.
I’m not standing on my head spitting rainbows like a fountain of joy, but I’m holding my own. I catch a wave of omgdoom and I ride it out until I’m a salty, sodden mess of goo but back on solid ground. It feels pretty awful, but I know it won’t kill me and I also know that once I move through this process, I will be better for it.
The thing about grief is that when it has you, you can feel a lot like your drowning and I know that a paintbrush doesn’t look a whole lot like a lifesaver, but it is. It really is. Think of it as a magic raft. That one stick of wood can keep you afloat if you hang on for dear life and refuse to let go.
The habit those of us who have been doing Book Of Days for years now have developed is so powerful that when things are painful or chaotic or scary, we know we’ve got this amazing skill set, this best friend in the form of a bound book that we can go to. We don’t have to wait for inspiration to strike. We don’t even have to *feel* like making art. We know that if we do, we’ll feel better. Full stop. We will learn things about ourselves that will stand us in good stead. We will grow as people. We will also create a body of work that we can feel good about.
I’d be lost without art.
If I didn’t have my studio, if I didn’t have a way to sit in my present moment, to open up and spill out all over the page, I would be a lot more batcrackers than I currently am. It has become one of those good addictions – the kind that doesn’t give you liver failure or a heart attack, the kind that doesn’t lie to you about the relief you’ll feel or leave you empty and ashamed. It’s the kind that gives and gives and soothes and eases and cracks open and sheds light.
I am so glad I have it, because honest to BOG I do not know where I’d be without it.
I have fears that you’ll get sick of me.
“Sunna” – Painted for Moonshine – mixed media on paper
I have fears that you secretly wish I’d be all unicorns and glitter and that my realness is just a little too real for you. I fear that I am damaging my business by sharing so intimately, by letting you see behind the curtain to this degree.
It’s okay, though, if I’m too much for you right now. I honour that. My process might be triggering for you, or boring for you. It might even anger you, might make you want to grab me and shake me and tell me to snap out of it. That’s all perfect. I get it, and I can hold space for that, even though it scares me.
Thing is, grief touches us all. If I were nothing but rainbows and unicorns, how could you possibly trust me when I tell you that art and art journaling can really get you through the rough spots? If I don’t show you my tattered, worn out, painful bits, how are you ever going to believe me when I tell you that soul repair is possible through the power of creativity?
I have to walk my talk. My talk goes something like: do art. It might save your bacon.
And I walk that. I walk it and it does, indeed, save my everloving bacon.
It is the best friend I never had.
Ning Network News
Grief has caused me to be a bit flaky and absent in my online spaces, including my Ning. I know that the majority of you will tell me not to worry about it, that I should take care of myself first, and I agree, but keeping up with these things is a part of self-care for me, so I’m picking up all the loose threads and weaving them back into my cloak of togetherness. :)
The June challenge is still open because I never a) promoted it or b) closed it and created a new one. I decided, in the interest of self-care to just let it stay open until the end of July because there are only a few entries. You can win a print and an envelope full of ephemera! You should totally check it out.
Wildly Inspired will reopen on the first Wednesday in August – not July, as I’d hoped because I’m having a bit of trouble adjusting to the new ‘getting up and going to work’ part of my life that used to be the ‘sit at my studio table in my PJs’ part of my life. It will go monthly because of all the other offerings we will be hosting in the network. It’s going to be grand.
The Rumi Project, which some of you will remember from days of yore will return under the gentle guiding hand of our own Cary Cutler Scholes. The new challenge will be posted on the last Wednesday of every month. There’s no group up for it yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as it’s open.
UPCOMING CLASSES
Book Of Days 2014 – Session Three starts on July 28th
12 weeks of sovereignty themed art journal spread – $69
Muse Merriment starts on August 27th
10 lessons, ten teachers – $78
Radiant Starts on October 1st
Look for a giveaway and interviews with the guest teachers in Radiant coming very soon!
See you soon, loves!
xo
Effy
“… a magic raft …”
LoVeLoVeLoVe that.
It’s a Truth for me, too.
And while I recede into the shadows at times (often), and while I take an occasional sabbatical from arting (and other things), I’m always lurking around you, Effy. I’m always drawn (back) to you, your story, your art, your compassion. So far, that is. ;) You are a longtime friend and I fully expect to continue nurturing that.
Peace, baby, And big-ass LoVe to to you too!
Hey, you’re f&@king awesome!
Same to you! :)
You are never too real for me Effy. I found art journaling when I was buried in grief and I believe it saved me from at the least a nervous breakdown, at the worst, well I did not really want to be alive some days. I value your openess and honesty and I love what you do and how much you give us as you teach. It is a privilage to be here with you as you transition through this very rough part of your life. Huggs.
Thank you so much, Bella. xo
I love those kinds of lurky friendships that pick up and leave off like threads in a tapestry. xo
Your honesty is wonderful…and healing. Grief is something doesn’t just go away because you want it to. My husband died at the age of 49….talk about being run over by a Mack truck. But you know what…just keep doing what you are doing…sometimes you are in a fog and sometimes you just cry a lot. I think it is all healing…and it is your story. Honor it the best way you know how. Peace and grace….
I’m here, I care.
I just wish I was in a better position to be “helpful” too.
I am grateful to you, for sharing the good, the bad, and the rest.
And by the way… I agree, Art IS life saver.
*Hugs* (if that’s ok).
It really is, and hugs from you are always ok. :)
Yes, Effy, please keep walking your talk, as you are living breathing proof that art really does save.
You are far stronger than you realise and will get through this – and will become an even stronger and wiser person as a result. You are doing great and helping many other people in the process. And I am one of those people.
Love and hugs
Sue Bunce
Xxx
I do believe (and hope) that I will become stronger from moving through this, even when I’m not feeling like I’m doing so great. Today is a much better day. I know I can count on having these really contented, peaceful kinds of days when I let myself have the miserable ones, too. :)
I for one want to know how you are doing. I feel as though I know you, this comes from sharing not meeting someone. I am always sending you positive vibes and energy. I was surprised with a divorce after 43 yrs of marriage. Guess who? The neighbor lady. lol.
Oh my, Joyce! That is so awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you. :(
GOD! I have been through many similar life challenges, now looking at lving on social security only; having had my car smashed up last week; can’t seem to concentrate on important paperwork OR art for very long. Thankful for my friends who keep telling me to care for myself…as I am telling you. Breathe and breathe some more. The pathway to healing is filled with bumps but it comes. I does come.
Yes, bumpy for sure, but also not a ‘forever’ kind of ride. :) I hear you on the inability to concentrate. It’s like the whole body, including the brain, is working so hard at processing the grief that there’s nothing left for thinking straight. *sigh*
Could I swap stories, but. Just know that for some of us, it’s important to know that there are others out there that don’t only have the sunny life every day. Some have sadness for all too long and find it hard to keep friends very
long.
The sunny life can be pretty hard to watch for those of us who’ve had a little too much rain. :) I’m glad knowing that you’re not alone when it’s cloudy is helpful to you.
Effy – just keep going one day at a time. It is hard to understand some one elses distress of divorce, death, bankruptcy, etc. unless you have experienced the highs and lows of it yourself. I know myself after we closed our business 3 years ago, the weird things and emotions I dealt with are hard to describe. If it were not for my journals that I could express my feelings of sorrow and joy, I don’t know how I would have coped. When you are in the middle, it is hard to see “this too shall pass” and you will be a stronger person. The only way through it is to go forward and cherish the learning curve that will make the happy times more special.
Hi Effy
My therapist told me never to wait for life to come to me or for that perfect moment for it to start again. You just have to keep going because you only get out of life what you put into it, so if you don’t put anything in you can’t move on. There is no magic moment for inspiration to strike, except those you create yourself. So when you are down and out for the count friends can lift you and hold you up for a while but we have to kick our own butt into gear and the magic will come back to us in proportion to how much effort we put in. It’s great to here you are kicking butt!
As if I (we) could get sick of you. It’s nice to actually see someone be real. Sometimes it feels like everyone online farts glitter. I love that you’re authentic. Don’t ever change.
Yeah…..what they all said before me. I, for one, love that you walk your talk. That’s something that I can’t seem to manage when I’m wallowing in….something.
I think your realness over your current emotional state touches more people than it annoys. Just be, sweetpea. <3
Effy I appreciate that you are so open with us. As I see your journey and witness the lessons you are learning, I am learning too. I agree that art is the life raft. I appreciate your honesty, you are real and you are showing us how you do it.
I agree with Jazz. It is rare to see someone be real online. Thanks for taking the risk and sharing your truth. We’re there with you! Peace and blessings.
Peace to you as well, m’dear. xo
I am new here. Thank you for being so honest, many of us wish for such a friend, I am sure. Going through a transition myself, I know this is true for me. Lately what I ve found really helpful and inspiring is listening to Deepak Chopra reading “Spiritual Solutions” – answers to life s greatest challenges, I am blown away at
the insight, practicality and patience of the man. I listen to it while painting, over and over, and here in BC it is available from the library. Hold on to the red thread, things sometimes take seemingly forever.
I like Deepak, and I’ll look up that book! Thanks!
Step out proudly in your new red hair and your ” cloak of togetherness”!
The honesty does push buttons for me, most likely ‘cos I/we never dealt with a load of issues.BUT I know that art has saved my sanity, heart n soul! Maybe I need a cloak too…… Purple…
Love your creativity & honesty! My uterus never got the memo she was done either!
Hugs from New Zealand, raising my coffee mug to you Amazing Woman! Xx
Raising my coffee back! :)
I adore you Effy, you’re freakin awesome!
I think one of the biggest reasons I’ve stayed since the beginning of Book of Days is because of your authenticity and heart. It just emanates from your posts and your artwork.I see it … I see you! <3 Maybe it's my age and my path of experiences, but that's what I want … truth, reality … and that doesn't mean sunshine and roses and all nice, nice. Life is full of good AND bad moments. There's something to learn from ALL of it. You've taught me TONS about another way to help myself through the rough patches … thank you! I hope you never feel that you have to stop being you. I'm not going anywhere, at least not from BOD, and I hope to be able to support you in your newest offerings coming up. <3 <3 <3
I love this: “I see you!”
It’s one of the nicest things we can do for anybody. Thank you. xo
I became drawn to you and your art blog because of your ‘realness’ Effy, what you are going through it seems like all the people who have responded have gone through in some form or another…My heart aches for you but I, you and all the people above know you will come through the other side of this and we will be here… We have all done it and you will to…. Hugs to you x
I’ll take them hugs and give you a few more. xo
Thank you for being so real and authenic. Real life isn’t a perfect bed of roses. Having tools to negotiate the ruff and tumble is so precious. So thank you for showing a way. When you come through the darkness there will be new light to enrich your journey. Best wishes x
The tools are SO IMPORTANT. Honestly, if I didn’t have art, I’d be a total basket case right now. xo
Your being real is like a shower of diamonds & gems. Keep being real
What a beautiful thing to say. xo
I know you haven’t seen much of me and I’m not taking any classes at the moment, but it has nothing to do with your sharing too much. Just something I need to go through myself. I think you being honest with what is going on just makes it more believable when you are spewing glitter. Being up all the time isn’t real. You are plodding through life’s issues the best you can and sharing with us that even when life kicks you in the ass you have to just keep your glitter on and move forward. We love you and are throwing as much glitter and hugs as we can. Don’t worry about it…we will still be here.
I have those days when I worry I’m alienating people and then I have days when I ask myself if I’d really want to keep people around who would feel alienating by knowing I’m having a shitty time of it. The answer is clear. :) I am glad you are taking some ‘you’ time and that it is serving you well, lovely. <3
Love the OMGDOOM! didn’t have a name for it and now I do. Hang in there…
I’m pretty sure I picked up OMGDOOM from Andrea Schroeder. :)
Awesome Effy, I am honoured to be witness to your authenticity and sparkling magnificence. Like so many of your tribe so much of your story resonates with my experience and your courage to speak your truth empowers me to do the same – or at least to fully hear it within my self. (‘Cos I aint quite there yet!!) Thank You Effy. You are needed. You are loved. Ex
I simply love you just xacklly as u are!! So honest and open embodying the Great Mother for us all. If She can have quakes and eruptions to rebalance herself… Ok.. Recognize!!!
Last fall I found you and did the embracing imperfection stuff, then the boot camp and am now on my third vol of BOD!! Doing art ev day finding my voice has lifted me out of a lifetime holding pattern.
Inspiring by pushing through? Yeah so seems it’s your calling these days and you ‘re makin’ it look beautiful! big love! Gratitude!
New here but, been there. 35 years ago for me. Felt like there was a wall of water behind a crumbling dike. A treasured friend pointed out that I wouldn’t be swept away when the dam broke because …. Guess what? It’s only ankle deep. It does get lighter, then better. We all learned to wade as kids. Hugs