I have a lot to cover in this post, so bear with me. It’s picture heavy and TL;DR. :)
I did a mini-retreat in December shortly before the holidays. This was the second year I checked into the Frederick Street Inn here in Kitchener for a few days of no work and lots of whirlpool baths. When I arrived, the lovely owner, Amanda, give me a big hug and helped me get settled in. The next four days were pretty much glorious.
This sums it up.
I took nine baths in four days. I am totally serious. :)
I also ate a lot and wandered a fair bit, and dug into one of those yearly planner things. Then I realized that I really don’t want to do someone else’s planner every year. I’d rather create my own! So that got put on my list of things to do in 2015.
I meditated a fair bit as well, and came to some conclusions. I work too hard. I take on too much. It isn’t good for me to be so busy with content creation that I feel overwhelmed all the time. It’s a good way to self-medicate, but I don’t *want* to self-medicate. I let go of Moonshine for 2015 and decided to focus on Book Of Days & Life Book pretty much exclusively, at least in the early part of this year. As spring arrives, we’ll see what happens, but for now, I am working in a pared down way that allows for lots of personal work and healing.
Book Of Days began with Opening Ceremonies on Jan 1. The cover I created for my hand bound journal really reflects my desires for the year – simplicity, ordinary beauty, coffee rings. *lol*
Creating the cover really brought me into a state of readiness for the year ahead. I realized, as I was creating it, that I wanted to coast into 2015 without a whole lot of unnecessary fanfare or hooplah. I recognize the value in marking transitions from one year to the next, but my spirit was wanting to experience the transition in a gentler, less linear way than I might have done in the past few years. I wanted to acknowledge that while, yes, New Year’s is a big deal, a new calendar year is a big deal, it is also just another day in a long, long cycle of days…
Something about the cyclical nature of each year felt really soothing and gentle to me.
I also wanted to put 2014 behind me without a whole lot of focus on what had transpired. I’m still so firmly IN what’s been going on all year that it seemed disingenuous of me to call it ‘over’. It is what is. I want to embrace what is. That seems a gentler path to me than treating it as though it was a closing door.
Doors do close, it’s true, but what had been going on in 2014 would only spill through any cracks in doors I’d closed. It felt better to leave a portal open so that whatever needed to follow me into 2015 would have a way to do so. All the finality of releasing and closing ceremonies felt just plain *wrong* for me at this time.
I did, however, choose a word of the year. Joy. I was going to choose audacious, but that felt like way too much pressure. Joy felt somehow more in line with what my soul was craving. And, we’re not talking about ‘I WON THE LOTTERY’ joy, either. We’re talking about the perfect cup of coffee joy. The sound of the creek joy. The warm puppy and a good book joy.
Gentle would have made a good word, too, but it was lacking something so I embraced joy.
This is my first spread for Book Of Days this year:
It’s a hot mess, but it’s MY hot mess and I am in love with all that joyful colour.
Life Book got off to a gorgeous start. I am already behind, but the bonus weeks between ‘main’ weeks gives one plenty of time to play catch up. I got my warm up done, which was super fun and allowed me to focus yet more attention on my word of the year.
And the girls in my seekrit Life Book club are doing beautiful work as well. (In case you missed this: if you sign up for Life Book using my link (which is how I get paid for teaching), and then you EMAIL me to tell me you signed up, I will let you into our seekrit club house where I teach my Ultimate Notebook class + do Life Book alongside you all year. It’s awesome!).
Here’s my ultimate notebook.
The thing with keeping a notebook for classes one takes is that not only do you end up getting more out of the class because you are better prepared to integrate what you’ve learned, but you also end up with a work of art in and of itself. The notebooks end up all fat and juicy with your notes, clippings from the PDFs, screen shots, and ultimately, images of your own work.
It really works for me, though I will admit there are times it feels like a bit of a slog to watch the videos first, take notes, cut and paste (literally as opposed to the kind we do on the web) images and snippets from PDFs, print images of works in progress to glue in, etc. etc….
But when I’ve done the lesson and I glue in the final image of my work, a sense of accomplishment unlike any other I’ve ever experienced (except maybe the one experienced after childbirth) takes over and I can’t wait to do it all again with the next lesson!
I introduced this concept in Radiant (you can still register!) and it has really changed the way some folks take classes. I heard nothing but positive feedback about how the notebook helps a body really dig into course content. It’s also kind of like ‘keeping score’ in a visual and tangible way. When you’re done, you can flip through the notebook and KNOW that you DID IT. Maybe not all of it, but enough that your notebook is a scrumptiously full bank of inspiration, ideas, and examples of your own progression as an artist.
New Year’s was really special this year.
My Umfriend (formerly known as Manfingy formerly known as my ex) and I drove to Montreal on December 31st for smoked meat at Dunn’s (a restaurant I remember from my childhood), and then to Ottawa to hang out with my daughter, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and niece.
We are family. Whatever else we might be, we’re that, and that’s okay with me.
I spent Jan 1 teaching my loves how to layer in the kitchen nook in Vivi’s house. It was splendid…
We spent about five hours painting that day. I can’t think of a better way to spend the first day of the year! Can you?
This is a not very good photograph of the painting I did while demonstrating layering techniques. It is my very first art of 2015 and I really love it. Vivi wants a print, so I’m going to send her one as soon as I get this one sealed and properly photographed.
I Said Farewell To Moonshine
As a bonus and a thank you to my loves in Moonshine, I created a painting for the first full moon in 2015 on camera:
This is an ode to joy and change and all things feminine. I loved creating it.
So how am I really?
I swing between perfectly okay and miserable, but I think that’s okay considering there were a few months there where it was all miserable all the time. I am moving forward, one foot in front of the other, towards gentle joy. I am investing in my own art, spending time playing for the sake of playing, continuing in therapy, and letting myself be desire led wherever possible.
Yesterday, for example, after three days of zero human contact, I bundled up and braved the weather just so I could breathe the same air as other human beings.
I live in Canada, and often, in Canada, the air hurts ones face in the months between December and May, so yeah. Going out isn’t often on my list of things to do during those months.
Last night, though? It was imperative. I needed to be out among humans, so I braved it and went. I got a new nude lipstick from Mac (with matching lip liner) a hair cut (just a trim), my eyebrows waxed, and a delicious dinner. A friend (not that kind of friend) met me at the restaurant and we talked for a few hours before I headed back home.
My mood lifted, but then sank again when I got a call from a family member in crisis. I had a lot of triggery feelings around what was going on there, and decided that I really could not be alone with all the feels for the rest of the evening.
Umfriend came over. We talked about what’s going and I got to a place of calm and inner peace, and then curled up to watch an episode of Luther on Netflix (it’s awesome, by the way). When he arrived, he came bearing gifts (all my packages go to his house since I don’t have proof of address for my new place yet) – a box of Dina Wakley mixed media paint that I purchased from Artistcellar.
And that brings us to now.
I’m wearing flannel pajamas and sipping a mocha with whipped cream. I have done all my admin work for the day, so I’m going to paint. Umfriend is picking me up later and we’re going to go for Pho.
And that’s today.
And you? What’s up with you? Tell me everything. xo
Effy. I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. I have been following your art for about a year but reading your posts is new for me. Thank you for baring your soul and sharing what has been happening for you. I have been able to relate to much of what you share. My marriage of 18 years ended in 2013. It has been the singularly most painful experience of my life. Our divorce was final on Valentine’s day 2014! LOL! The universe has a sense of humor. I used to draw and paint in high school and rediscovered my love for art following my divorce. It has really offered me healing in a way that I don’t think anything else could.
I’m participating in LifeBook 2015! So, excited for it. Finished Radiant Faces and loved it!!!! I’m really enjoying the online art community though I wish there was a way to teleport to each other once in a while as I do enjoy in person connection. I spent New Year’s Eve with a new love. The blanket of grief from my divorce seems to have lifted and everything feels much easier.
Thank you for your inspiring words, creations and for sharing your soul. I look forward to continuing to follow you and learn from you.
Deanna
San Luis Obispo, California
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s good to hear about people who came out on the other side and are thriving. <3
Hi Effy,
Thanks for sharing so bravely “normal” life. Talking about several days without human contact is normal for me too sometimes. I’m so proud of how you got your power back. That doesn’t mean all is well at once, but it feels like your in controll again.
Love Luther too by the way, haha!
Well just wanna send you a big hug!
Love, Anne
Luther is really rocking my poptarts. So compelling! And I wanna send you a big hug right back! :D
Dear Effy, aka new friend, aka Art Sister, aka Fellow Canadian… I know we have never met but I truly feel that we are Sisters of the Soul… so much of what you write, how you live, who you are… resonates with me and having YOU in my life these days is one of the things I am thankful for every morning! (I can ABSOLUTELY relate to 9 baths in 4 days, Grin!) Please remember when you are “in the dark place”, feeling low or feeling un-loved, … That You matter! (to ME), your words make a difference in my life and YOU are LOVED by more people than you will every know or meet. I too am leaving 2014 behind – I love your line “doors close” – that hit a bullseye in my heart! and now I am going to go Art Journal something all over that concept. Sending warm, loving energy your way… Lynne
I want to see your art journal spread when you’re done with it. ;)
Yay! Just yay!
Mwah!
that’s my pts. :-) love you…
Love you back. xo
We wish you all lived closer so we could just hang out and have coffee, eat, chat, and laugh more often! I am glad you braved the cold and did things just for yourself. Actually, I am more than glad, I am proud of you! We miss you guys. Come visit again soon. I now know how to make Hollandaise (however you spell it) sauce! :)
That would be so nice. :)
i really love that you end your posts by asking what’s going on with us. it makes me feel like i’ve come over for coffee or something. :)
as for me, last night i attended a virtual full moon ritual that was just amazing. afterward, i felt like i was flying and didn’t think i’d ever be able to sleep, but i slept better than i have in awhile. and then i got up this morning still thinking about the meditation from the ritual, where we set our intentions for the year and decided to write out my intentions on some pretty stationery, seal them up in an envelope, and stick the envelope in a drawer. and so it is. :)
i chose a word for the year (magic) and have made a resolution to pay attention to and document the messages i feel like i get from the universe. to that end, i made a mini journal with greeting cards and started filling it up. it’s already almost full so i think i’ll be making another slightly bigger journal soon.
i’ve been doing a lot of healing work and studying and learning. i started reading a book about shame that my best friend recommended (it’s going to be rough) and i’m reading donald miller’s “blue like jazz” and really getting a lot out of it. i’m taking pixie campell’s “woman is a river: transforming your sexual mythology” class, and i’m thinking of taking alena hennessy’s “30 days of grace” now that there’s a self-guided option that’s more in my price range. i’m also hoping to take the ‘blushing wild’ ecourse from wild mystics. these days it’s feeling important to take classes that feel like soul work. i still have the impulse where i want to take every art class like ever, but it feels really important to be very intentional about what i invest in this year.
today i’m having a late lunch/early dinner with my best friend and have an errand to run first, so i’m off for now. love you, effy!
Love you, too, sweetness! I’m glad you’re doing the healing work. I know how difficult it is, but also how rewarding.
I am struggling – with life, with love, with my identity, with what I want – but also working through it all the best I can. Life Book is the first art class I’ve taken since high school (I left halfway through 2007, pregnant with my beautiful baby girl) and it’s been a good first week.
My words for 2015 are ‘live your Passion’ and ‘authentic self discovery’ – I just couldn’t choose a single word to sum up my intentions for what I want this year….
I am going with ‘gentle joy’ and ‘joy’ for short. I’m so glad you’re back to art. xo
I’m content, thanks for asking, sweetie. Why? I have lots of wonderful on-line friends in my life, a load of yummy art videos to watch and the art to do afterwards. I’ve just had a wonderfully hedonistic beauty session (at home, in my bathroom) tonight, and now feel all tingly and fresh, and ready to face the world. The Ex ruined my mood slightly by sending me one of his brief 3-line emails where he gets straight to the point (the divorce) and doesn’t even ask how I am… but I’m learning to let go of the annoyance at his lack of sensitivity.
I LOVE the photo of your family doing backgrounds together. That must have been such fun. It’s wonderful that you feel like you are moving on with your life. I’m so glad we have you with us, Effy. I wouldn’t enjoy my art as much without your involvement. Winning a place on Radiant Faces really was a turning point in my life. I am a much happier person, and that makes my Mum happy, seeing me enjoying life and doing something I love with a passion.
Thanks for this post. It made my day. Sending big hugs, smooches and love your way, along with my best wishes for all things good – you deserve that so much!
Oh, those insensitive three line emails. UGH! I feel you, girl!
I’m glad you’re doing art and finding lots of you time. You were such a joy on Radiant, and I know you’ll be a joy here, too.
I defined (when I was deeply in it) the process you are going through as Changing Trains. Sometimes we are on the same train with people we know, like, love. And sometimes we are alone on our train, looking out the window as the other train lags behind, moves ahead, does a different thing. You seem to be really good at sharing the ride with your umfriend and daughter and family at this early stage. How amazing and healthy is that? I am so impressed. You all deserve so much credit for making the child the centrepiece of the journey right now. You are an inspiration and I hope that you can sift through all the responses to your blogs and feel the connection that you have created. I, personally, feel blessed at having found Radiant Faces and you. Namaste Joan in Red Deer
Dear Effy,
I like that you are continually allowing yourself to be in whatever IS for you for now, moving gently forward, progress and not perfection…. You are so much like I was at your age, and it is so grand of you to allow your inner wisdom or wise woman to guide you…. I admire that special quality you have to lay it on the line and let people take it or leave it…. The smart ones are following along because we want to see the butterfly that is coming soon…. I await in gentle joy, sending you blessings, because you are my/our blessing…. Love/respect to you….tessy
Beautiful art.wonderful word.keep your face warm sweetie. Will hold you in my heart.
Hugs
Susan s
Thanks, sugar! I have so many scarves now, it’s ridiculous. Neck and face shall be toasty. :)
Effy love! I know what you mean about letting some things go to better focus on what brings the most joy… I have been busily getting the classroom ready for February 1st and I was commissioned for SEVEN paintings due March 15th. Hmmm… This is going to be VERY interesting LOL! But thanks for asking what’s going on.
Loving your pages and the layering. And you know I’m a color ho! so these pages are to die for for me! Keep making juicy goodness to inspire me!
I must be an idiot….What’s PHO? i’m sure I should know, but even if you answer I won’t be able to read it, because for some reason on my ipad most of every comment is blocked out by the profile photo, yours included. It didn’t used to be like that….very frustrating. Anyway,, your posts aren’t blocked out, Effy, and that’s the important part. I look forward to hearing how you’re doing and seeing your beautiful work. Effy posts are always a highlight in any day.
Pho is the best soup EVER! LOL http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=pho&qpvt=pho&FORM=IGRE check it out
Wow, I really like how you express yourself. So far I have done two things in Life Book, and planned my BOD spread. However, unlike your absolute freezing weather (never experienced that kind of cold), we had a day or two of 38 degs. centigrade or 100 degs, f., so too hot to paint as it dries to quickly. Now my back is not good, still it will pass. Thank you for sharing.