Today is my last day as a 48 year old on planet earth (this time around, at least). Tomorrow, I turn 49 AND I will have completed my 30 day blogging challenge. I’m really happy to report that I am completely unfazed by the whole ‘last year before 50’ thing, though I do jokingly declare that I am now officially OLD AS EFF.

I don’t really believe that, though. I believe I’m a twelve year old boy who sometimes masquerades as a 19 year old girl who is trapped in a 49 year old body. And I don’t mind at all.

***

This is Sybil. She’s my birthday gift to myself this year.

It’s been a really busy month. Parenting stuff and work stuff. Writing in a way I haven’t written *in years*. Lots of art happening. Kisses that suck my lipstick right off. Pints & parties with friends.

I’ve worn corsets and knee high boots, because, why not? Stirred together beautiful pots of soup, weather permitting. There was a murmuration on the evening of the Autumnal Equinox that felt like a love letter.

I’ve reacquainted myself with old friends. Made new ones. Made plans to head out to Harvestfest and even secured my rides IN ADVANCE.

I gifted myself a beautiful new furbabe for my birthday. Sybil feels like she’s always been here at this point. She is as constant as the North Star, and a source of never ending delight for both me AND my other furbabe, Sookie, who adores her.

Sookie did not quite approve of any of this at first…

Yin and Yang. True love.

***

My brain gremlins have been pretty quiet in all this busy, leaving me mostly alone most mornings. I’ve been noticing, and I’ve been grateful. My first thoughts each day are “COFFEE! DUCKS TO SLAY! WHAT’S NEXT, MRS. LANDINGHAM?” instead of “what the fuck are you still doing here?”

That’s lovelier than I can even begin to express. I wonder how much the writing has to do with it. Maybe it is a calming hand over the storm that is my anxiety. Maybe I really *do* need it as much as I’ve always suspected I do.

WHAT’S NEXT?

The next thing. And then the next. One foot, one item, one moment, moment after moment.

I think I’ve finally learned how to live.

***

Over the last few days, I’ve had a song stuck in my head. I have no idea why! It’s just *very there* and at random moments throughout the day, I will catch myself breaking into a warble, and these words come through loud and clear…

“In this heart lies for you
a lark born only for you
who sings only to you
my love, my love, my love…

I’m waiting for you
for only to adore you
my heart is for you
my love, my love, my love…”

I think it’s myself singing to myself, and isn’t that the loveliest thought I’ve ever had? Yes. Yes, it is.

***

xo
Effy

Today’s Nudge: Recap the month.

There’s a bunch of us blogging along in September. Find out more here, or pop your email address in the box below, and I’ll send you a nudge to blog every day along with a link to my daily writings.


Looking for accountability partners, other blogs to read, or eyes on your work? How about all three? Join us today in the Artfully Wild Blogalong Facebook Group.

P.S. LIFE BOOK 2018 is open for registration, y’all! Early Bird ends December 31st, so get it while you can!

 

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