It’s not even ten, and I’ve already done my SoulX, achieved zero inbox, checked in with all my groups, done my dishes, and put together a spinach frittata, which is now baking in the oven.

I signed up for a thirty day free trial to get more keto recipes, since my current repertoire consists mainly of salad with meat, and that’s just not cutting it. I decided today to simplify things a bit by finding an ‘every morning’ breakfast kind of thing that I can make ahead (so I doubled the recipe for today’s frittata), and last night’s dinner will be what’s for lunch ‘every day, so that I’m not wondering what to eat while what I really want is to work or play. Dinner’s will be adventurous, because I really enjoy cooking.

Blah blah blah #keto. I know. :) Whatever, I’m enjoying it, and I feel good. Especially now that I’ve found this recipe for a cheese biscuit that makes my bread loving little heart so, so happy, and also this recipe for keto cauliflower mash and gravy, which makes my potato loving heart equally happy.

ENOUGH ABOUT FOOD.

Sookie, Sasha, and Sybil

This was the view to my right this morning as I did my morning practice. I’ve moved things around a bit  on my couch nest so now Sookie and Sasha *have no choice* but to hang out together on the couch. The usual ‘escape spots’ have all been taken over by BuJo bins and lap desks. This wasn’t intentional. I just stuck everything I needed in the corner that Sasha usually occupies, and now? Now they snuggle, and this makes me happy. Once in a while, Sybil joins them, but this morning, she perched over against the wall so she could survey her domain.

Anyway, they were watching me have a cry this morning while I worked out some stuff in my journal. They were all “whatchoo crying about, Mama?” and after I dried my tears, I whipped out my phone and took this picture. Instantly cheered me up.

I love these animals so much, I can hardly stand it. So. So. Much.

I mean, look at those faces??

*Swoon*

Loves of my life, all three of them.

In Other, But Related News

I’ve been deeply thinking over the last few days about how I react to negative commentary. I feel personally convicted about it, like this is a thing that must change, because when it gets to me, I get really defensive, and then my stance is *generally miserable*, and that’s what I bring to the table.

Enough. Just, enough.

I declare my boundaries as though daring someone, anyone, to challenge them, as though I *expect* they will be challenged, and you know what they say? What you resist persists. Set up a visible wall, and someone’s gonna wanna knock it down.

So, invisible walls are better? Undeclared boundaries? I dunno. I’m still trying to figure out. All I know is I *don’t* want the people I care about, who have not in any way contributed to my generally defensive stance to think I mean them. I don’t. If I did, they’d know, because I’d tell them. Also, the generally defensive stance makes me feel like an asshole. Probably makes me sound like one, too. It just *feels bad, man*. It feels *really bad* to be all full of thorns and fuck yous.

So I’m pondering. How do I say “Don’t cross this line” without alienating people?

Am I asking the right question?

Because, the majority of my interactions are positive and absolutely lovely, so why it is the minority that gets my attention?

I suspect the answer is something along the lines of ‘because I’m human’.

So, anyway, I’ve been quiet, and I caught myself musing on this, and trying to figure out how to be in the world in a way that guarantees my safety from negative interactions.

I know. I’m laughing, too, because that is *impossible*.

Sometimes I’m a total liar. I claim to have dragon scales. I puff up and pretend that I’m unfazed. But I don’t have dragon scales, and I’m never unfazed. I have resilience, not armour. I have deep fazing that feels like lemon juice on a paper cut. I can work through a wounding fairly quickly, and get myself back to centre, but the wound still happens, and there is very little in the way of armour to be seen. Why? I dunno. You’d think I would be really guarded by now, but I’m not. And I think, in part, it’s because I want to stay soft. I want to stay open. I want to be with my heart. I don’t want to be generally braced and defensive. I don’t want to shut down. I don’t want to be constantly on guard for the next blow.

So, no. I don’t have dragon scales.

Which makes me want to ask the world to be gentle with me, but you know? That’s not an option either.

So, I’m still pondering. Still working it out.

Ignore it altogether? Work it out privately? Take it to the journal?

I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

***

That’s all I’ve got today.

xo
Effy

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.

 

 

 

Before You Go

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P.S. If you believe white privilege isn't a thing, that we are a post racist society, that 'the wall' is a good idea, that artists should shut up about social justice and stick with posting pretty things, or that gay people are going to hell, please don't join this list. I'm definitely *not* going to be your cup of tea. Thank you!

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