Today (and yesterday) has been very traumatic for me. I’ve spent about 72 hours in a state of constant anxiety – verging on panic attack, swinging into panic attack, and then yielding out again. I am applying self-empathy liberally, and I’ve also been in touch with my best girlfriend, and my therapist throughout.

So, I am okay, but in ‘trauma warrior’ mode, which requires my full, unerring vigilance so I don’t fall back into old, self-destructive patterns. I know what I have to do. I have the skills. I have the support. I’m going to use them.

That being said, painting is everything right now, so this is both how I’m keeping myself from going off the deep end, and all I’ve got for the blog along.

Finished this beauty this weekend. She’s mixed media on paper. Spray inks, acrylics, metallic paints and pens, India ink markers, coloured pencils…

The camera truly cannot capture this beauty, even though this was photographed in natural light. I call her “Silver Girl”. If I can manage to get a good image of her, I might make prints.

And there’s this, which I started this morning so I can have it ready in time for BOD2018, Session Two to begin in May. My peeps have been requesting three quarter portraits, and charcoal tutorials, so I’m aiming to please even though this is *way* outside fo my own personal comfort zone.

This is a cross between Frida and Marie, charcoal with a limited palette. She’s still in progress. I can’t wait to see how she turns out.

And just because I love you, I want to share my ear worm with you.

I’m feeling this. Exactly this. As rough as things are right now, as painful it is to have the scales falling from my eyes the way they are, as much as I am fucking dreading what comes next, I really, deeply feel exactly like this.

I’m on the edge of glory. I swear to fucking god. Just you wait and see.




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