I skipped blogging yesterday, and in fact, the entire Internet while I wandered off to do things other than fume and burn furiously at the world at large.
It all became too much for me, so I packed up my toys, kicked sand as I departed, and went home.
I doodled, and noodled, and puttered. I fed myself steak and asparagus and swilled Sauv Blanc. I ignored everything except the music that was playing, the dogs and the cat, and the weather (which was glorious).
Last night, I packed a little drawing kit and headed off to my friend, Sal’s place for more Sauv Blanc and some drawing mentorship. She’s going to help me upgrade my skills by nudging me in the direction of doing some more technical explorations. I’m going to work with Drawing on The Right Side of the Brain, and see where that takes me. I’m going to draw different things every day, and see where that takes me.
I’m hunkering down, honing in.
I’m also, I realize, extremely fucking angry. I’m trying on new boundaries, like saying exactly how I want people respond to something I post. Like asking for the exact thing that I need.
“Space, less space, no advice, no ‘education’, no debate, or sure, let’s debate, education me, advise me, come closer, go the fuck away…”
It is being met with varying degrees of respect – mostly respect by those I consider my wildlings. There’ve been a few who saw the boundary and just came right on in to knock it down – some out of carelessness (didn’t read the entire post). Some out of what seems to be a general sense of rapeyness, as in Oh HEY! I see you don’t want me to do this thing, so I’m just going to leave my consent violation all over this post.
I realized this morning that I am dwelling too much on the latter, and not enough on the former, so I’m shifting focus. To those who *get* boundaries, who *have* boundaries, and who respect them, thank you. Bless you. You make my world a better place. For those who skimmed, and missed the boundaries, I forgive you. Please be gentle with me while we are grappling with Incel and the mass violence in Toronto, and the sexual assault trial, and my own sensitivity and work around dismantling white supremacy + family fuckery + general exhaustion and stress. If I seem pricklier than usual, I am. It’s not you. It’s me.
I have really nothing to say to those who are rapey on purpose.
I spent my morning getting Full Moon up for my Moonbeams. I am working with the fierce power of Scorpio. Intense energy, and needful at the moment. This is what I painted (and demonstrated) for the class.
I’m going to wander off now, and take today and tomorrow to be with myself as much as possible. I want no social, no interactions except those that are absolutely needful, or those that come with fur.
I hope you have a super gorgeous weekend!
P.S. This contest to win $4400 worth of art resources is still open! Check it out!!
About The Blog Along
Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us! If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.
To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.