Today is Day Four in the Artfully Wild blog along, and you can find out more here.
I. What I really want him to know is that I believe in him so fiercely that I hardly know who I am anymore, unless he is right here with me, and then I remember.
That womanchild who shows up full of questions, half-truths, and terror, the one who talks about how she knows what’s happening (when she doesn’t) or gives him the side-eye when he tells her the truth is only ever the trauma talking.
*I* am solid. Patient as trees. Safe as houses.
That other one, though.
Wooosah.
It’s going to take a very long time to win her over, and I’m so not the boss of her.
This is an actual cross-stitch kit that you can buy, and YES I WANT ONE.
II. When he dreams out loud about our someday, I hook on to that like it’s a mountain. I’m suddenly 1000 feet up, and it’s nowhere I’ve ever been, and yes, I can see forever, but I’m not very good at rock climbing, but the air is clear up there (that’s nice), but what the fuck is a crampon? This grappling hook looks lethal. You could poke someone’s eye out with this thing.
How far ‘till we reach the peak?
I really need to pee.
Will there be wine? Will there be WiFi?
And he answers every question*, and I can feel him laughing at me in that way lovers laugh at one another. He is forever making fun of me, but it is so tender, y’all. So perfectly exactly what I need to keep me anchored.
And I *love* that. I live for that.
It’s like that. I have that.
*Yes, he is a saint. No, I can’t offer you his brother’s number. No, he doesn’t have a clone, and if he did, I keep the clone, too.
III. I am all the little details, and he is the big picture, but listen. Here’s the thing. He emboldens me to dream. I pick him. He’s my forever. I don’t know what that actually looks like, but, whatever. I’m all in.
I’d give up wine. I’d give up WiFi.
I want him to know that, too.
IV. Chani Nicholas is my second favourite right now (himself being first favourite, but don’t tell the furfaces who believe they are first). I just signed up for my very first workshop with her (she releases them monthly), and I am hooked.
I don’t understand 3/4 of what she says because she is fluent in triunes and sextiles and conjunct this and direct that, which is not a language I speak, but I don’t need to! I just listen carefully, and jot down the key dates and whatever words pop into my head while I’m listening, like ‘do the thing’ or ‘send the thing’ or ‘watch out for the can of whoop ass in the arena of your work shit on this date’, or ‘expect some swept of your feetness because Venus & Neptune (what?) on this date’ and I feel like I have a handle on what’s to come.
I can even make pretty good guesses about what these dates and keywords are referring to in terms of my actual life, and believe me, I am tracking that to see if my intuition + Chani’s workshops = a better handle on things.
I’ll keep you posted.
Sookie (Left) and Salem (Right) who are, as far as they know, my NUMBER ONE FAVOURITES.
V. If you speak triunes and sextiles and planets and moons, and want to download my chart, feel free. I am, as ever, an open-ish book.
If you want to tell me what you think it means, I would not be opposed to that either. 
Notice that Libra Sun, Libra Rising, Cap Moon, though, and tell me you don’t get how frustrating that is, because I DO.
You can also get your own chart free, here.
VI. I am still poeming with Sage Cohen in her PAD, and it is pretty sweet to poem among poets who tenderly, fiercely, bravely dare to build poems, moment by moment, word by word, out of the things we wish to kill or keep. There are some very fine poets in there, and the critique is gentle and empowering. It might be too late to PAD this year, but get on Sage’s e-list so you can find out what’s next.
VII. TWO SLEEPS OMG.
VIII. Yes, I am a girl.
IX. Also, I really do love that you bother to take all this in and then tell me it landed. Thank you for that, you wonderful human, you. If you could clone yourself, I’d keep both of you, too.
X. I will meet you back here tomorrow.
And just because we talked Elephants yesterday, here’s a mixed media art journal spread inspired by the loveliest of songs.
P.S. Art For Earth is open for registration (instant access) until April 9th! Here are all the details.
I’m so glad you have him, and that what you need is what is happening. I love hearing it. I have it to, its so special, exquisite even.Love!
I can relate you in more ways than I realized, as I’ve been recently following your journey.
We are a lot a like, for sure. <3
Your post is like a pretty in itself! It makes me smile to think of you enjoying your life. Thanks for sharing Effy.
Thank you, Tammy! <3
Effy – I love that cross-stitch. so good! As for your chart, I’m by no means an expert, but your moon sign has a lot of influence, as does your ascendant. And yeah, double Libra. much Libra. Very Balance. I also have a Cap moon and it can make things difficult. I’m excited you’re getting into this, and that’s for the rec of Chani :)
Chani is amazeballs. I was blown away by her New Moon in Aries horoscopes. I’m a fan for life now.
Sometimes I feel that way in Moonshine…I just do the things and follow as best I can and I know that someday I will “get it” all…its the doing of the things that are so important! It is reminding me of who I am, who I was before I caved into being someone I didn’t sign up to be. Love. Oh I love when love is SO good! I have only known that with my boyfriend, he gets me, and there is unconditional love, REAL unconditional love and still after 19 years, can be terrifying!
I love when love is so good, tooooooo. <3
Also l loving that you're just 'doing' Moonshine as best you can and letting it all percolate. That is *perfect*.
I love that you’ve found your forever.
Me, too. <3 I just hope the universe agrees!
I don’t try to “get it” because I think everyone’s life has a purpose and we’ll find what it was after we “die” here on earth. Astrology makes no sense to me at all, so I ignore it! Someone asked me if, when I garden, I plant with the signs…and I told them truthfully, “I have no idea as I don’t “get” what the signs are about.”… and things grow, usually… I do believe that earth, without art, is just “eh”….
I don’t know if I ‘believe in it’ or if I am just super interested in how it seems to inform me about myself in a deeper way. It’s also fun to experience this kind of serendipity, where something as remote as the stars can seem to have something very specific to say to me.
Forever now. Love that concept!
Mmm hmmm. Me, too.
I know I already told you that but I am so happy your found your forever. And giving up wine and wifi to climb that mountain with him by your side? that’s huge, no shit!
Thankfully, I will never have to give up either. :D
It’s wonderful to find the right man, the right love. I’m so happy that you have “him” in your life! I’m with my first love, but it took a few not so great loves between to find my way back to him. We are like peanut butter and jelly, we go together perfectly. We rarely argue, so refreshing! We laugh a lot, even more refreshing! He makes me feel better about who I am. He knows what I’ve been through and it hurts him, too. We tell each other “I love you” at least a couple dozen times a day and we mean it. We have been together 18 years this time around and we still marvel that we’re together. Love is a beautiful thing, with the right person, it’s even more amazing! And, now, I must ask, who thinks you aren’t a girl? Did someone really ask you that? With those home grown ta-ta’s? Pffftt!
Leadonna, ‘I am a girl’ is what I say to myself when I’m making fun of myself for being so full of swooning and kermit flails. :) No one mistakes me for being anything but a girl.
Very happy for your love! <3
It sounds like life is pretty awesome right now. Revel in it :)
Thank you, Francine. <3 I intend to.
Go for the someday. Grab the someday. 30+ years later the someday keeps us going. Always the someday. There might not be wifi, but there will be wine. Promise
Yesssssss. I intend to. <3
Yep, right there with ya. The whole thing with sextiles, nodes, houses, etc confuse me. Sounds so much like a foreign language, but one that intrigues me all the same. All I know is my sun is in Scorpio, my moon is in Gemini, and my ascending in Capricorn. Most of my life I thought only the sun sign mattered. Maybe one of these days I’ll get it properly explained to me.
Astrology didn’t gel for me at all until I knew my moon sign. It explained *so much* about the constant tension between want to and have to that goes on in my life.
I am so glad you found someone to love and that you are loved. Not sure what is in the stars for you, but I am pretty sure you will eventually figure all that out. :)