Today is Day Four in the Artfully Wild blog along, and you can find out more here.
I. What I really want him to know is that I believe in him so fiercely that I hardly know who I am anymore, unless he is right here with me, and then I remember.
That womanchild who shows up full of questions, half-truths, and terror, the one who talks about how she knows what’s happening (when she doesn’t) or gives him the side-eye when he tells her the truth is only ever the trauma talking.
*I* am solid. Patient as trees. Safe as houses.
That other one, though.
It’s going to take a very long time to win her over, and I’m so not the boss of her.
II. When he dreams out loud about our someday, I hook on to that like it’s a mountain. I’m suddenly 1000 feet up, and it’s nowhere I’ve ever been, and yes, I can see forever, but I’m not very good at rock climbing, but the air is clear up there (that’s nice), but what the fuck is a crampon? This grappling hook looks lethal. You could poke someone’s eye out with this thing.
How far ‘till we reach the peak?
I really need to pee.
Will there be wine? Will there be WiFi?
And he answers every question*, and I can feel him laughing at me in that way lovers laugh at one another. He is forever making fun of me, but it is so tender, y’all. So perfectly exactly what I need to keep me anchored.
And I *love* that. I live for that.
It’s like that. I have that.
*Yes, he is a saint. No, I can’t offer you his brother’s number. No, he doesn’t have a clone, and if he did, I keep the clone, too.
III. I am all the little details, and he is the big picture, but listen. Here’s the thing. He emboldens me to dream. I pick him. He’s my forever. I don’t know what that actually looks like, but, whatever. I’m all in.
I’d give up wine. I’d give up WiFi.
I want him to know that, too.
IV. Chani Nicholas is my second favourite right now (himself being first favourite, but don’t tell the furfaces who believe they are first). I just signed up for my very first workshop with her (she releases them monthly), and I am hooked.
I don’t understand 3/4 of what she says because she is fluent in triunes and sextiles and conjunct this and direct that, which is not a language I speak, but I don’t need to! I just listen carefully, and jot down the key dates and whatever words pop into my head while I’m listening, like ‘do the thing’ or ‘send the thing’ or ‘watch out for the can of whoop ass in the arena of your work shit on this date’, or ‘expect some swept of your feetness because Venus & Neptune (what?) on this date’ and I feel like I have a handle on what’s to come.
I can even make pretty good guesses about what these dates and keywords are referring to in terms of my actual life, and believe me, I am tracking that to see if my intuition + Chani’s workshops = a better handle on things.
I’ll keep you posted.
V. If you speak triunes and sextiles and planets and moons, and want to download my chart, feel free. I am, as ever, an open-ish book.
Notice that Libra Sun, Libra Rising, Cap Moon, though, and tell me you don’t get how frustrating that is, because I DO.
You can also get your own chart free, here.
VI. I am still poeming with Sage Cohen in her PAD, and it is pretty sweet to poem among poets who tenderly, fiercely, bravely dare to build poems, moment by moment, word by word, out of the things we wish to kill or keep. There are some very fine poets in there, and the critique is gentle and empowering. It might be too late to PAD this year, but get on Sage’s e-list so you can find out what’s next.
VII. TWO SLEEPS OMG.
VIII. Yes, I am a girl.
IX. Also, I really do love that you bother to take all this in and then tell me it landed. Thank you for that, you wonderful human, you. If you could clone yourself, I’d keep both of you, too.
X. I will meet you back here tomorrow.
P.S. Art For Earth is open for registration (instant access) until April 9th! Here are all the details.