Every month, I release the Book Of Days workbook for free to members in The Wilderhood Facebook Group, and once a week, I feature one of the prompts you’ll find within it either here on the blog or over on Patreon with my own response. Sometimes, I save the more personal reflections for Patreon. I’ll always let you know when I’ve done that. To get the workbook, join us in The Wilderhood.
This week’s prompt, should you choose to engage it, is:
How embodied am I feeling? What tension am I holding?
I’ve had an out of town visitor since last Tuesday, and so my studio time has been very limited. I’ve always been aware of the connection between my ability to ‘stay in my body’ (as opposed to out of it and in a dissociative state) and my creative practice for a long time now, but it’s been really clear to me this past week just how integral it’s become. If I neglect my practice, even for joyful reasons, I can lose myself a little bit – or a lot – depending on what’s going on.
There’s a lot going on right now. The visit brings a lot of memories with it – memories of a time when I was very young, living in extreme poverty, doing a lot of emotional labour, and lacking in any kind of support. It’s brought up things I have yet to properly grieve, because proper grieving couldn’t happen in the circumstances I found myself in. It also brings the joy of reunion, of an apple who did not fall far from this particular tree, and the sheer delight of realizing that some bonds can’t be broken by time or distance.
So, I’ve been all over the place, but I’ve also been lovingly nudged back to presence over and over again throughout.
I spent the first part of yesterday here in the studio, working on a painting of a turtle because I drew it from The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Oracle. It was a glorious few hours of solitude and checking in with my overwhelmed nervous system.
“Ancient soul. Grounded. Trusting. At home in the self.”
Unfortunately, just as I finished up the painting, I got news of a death in my extended family, which sent me reeling back out of alignment. I spent the rest of yesterday trying to get back to the present moment, here, in my life, in my own lane. It took a while, but I managed.
Cryptic is all I can manage without being indiscreet, so that’s all I’ve got on that.
As for tension – it’s in my shoulders and down through my ‘wings’, as I like to call my shoulder blades. It’s in my solar plexus, too, where I feel braced for a blow, but I’m breathing into these spaces with gentle reminders…
…here, now. This life. Yours. You have a family. Be with *your* family.
Let him take care of his own.
In other news, I got my septum pierced in a frenzy of ‘Life’s too short to put off doing the things you want to do” yesterday, and I will have pictures for you once I am healed up and don’t look as tired as I presently feel.
P.S. The turtle picture above is going live as a lesson in Book Of Days on September 1st along with this gorgeous creation by Micki Wilde.