I. The silence is deafening so I am trying to fill it with sound.

II. Yesterday afternoon was awesome. Kimi and I did a liquor run and then hit the dollar store for cute things for the lawn party – coloured wine glasses and a serving tray, some little bowls for olives and whatever else. More stemless wine glasses because I keep knocking mine off the stoop when I open my screen door, so I was down to three. We put a table by the stoop, too, so I’ll stop putting my wine down on the top step and then smashing the glass like I always do.

Here’s the new bistro set.

I’m going to put lights up in the front yard and, like my friend Jessie says “Our yard is going to be KICKING”.

Isn’t she adorable?

III. Once we did the ‘chores’ part of our afternoon, which included breaking down all the cardboard from the bistro set and packing it away in Kimi’s car to be recycled, I made this:

And then we nibbled.

IV. Fireball shots happened after dark and I think that’s maybe a thing I shouldn’t do anymore.

V. Went into an amygdala hijack over something a friend said. Sent him home. (Boys!! UGH!!). Was getting everything from the party cleared away and into the house. Tripped on my dress and skinned my knee on the front stoop. Couldn’t find the band-aids. Couldn’t find the polysporin. Cleaned it up with paper towel. Ended up sobbing on the bathroom floor. 

VI. Cried myself to sleep after sending a very woebegone email to someone I shouldn’t be emailing. Oy.

VII. Woke up. Stumbled out of bed. Tended my knee again. I still can’t find band-aids or polysporin but I think I’ll live.

VIII. Made coffee. Ventured out to the stoop with the dogs. The girls were *still up* and singing karaoke. Oh, to be young. So I sat there and eavesdropped and giggled and wished I was in my twenties again and could have a mulligan on the last twenty years and stay up all night singing karaoke with my girl gang. *Nods*.

IX. After a time, my pack joined me on the lawn. I told them my tale of woe and they dried my tears and propped me up with many words of affirmation and I found myself laughing and forgiving myself utterly for being a completely understandable shit show right now. 

X. Okay, Effy. Onward. And no more Fireball shots for you. Or boys. Fuck boys.