I. I Journal Jammed yesterday and though I was pretty quiet (very heartstricken of late, apologies), I did make something pretty kickin’ even though I wasn’t feeling very ‘inspired’.
The first one was the actual spread, and the second one was made on the page I was using as a palette. I love working that way because I get more bang for my buck and there’s no paint left behind.
II. I blew a lot of bubbles yesterday.
I keep hoping the dogs will get into it, but they are completely disinterested. Oh well.
III. Space and renovations. Big fucking hammer. Twin stuff. The tender way he pulls my chosen name out of his pocket once in a while and offers it to me with love. Hope springs eternal. Etc. #cryptic
IV. The thing about planting seeds is that it is such an enormous act of faith. You put these little things that look like nothing in pots of dirt and you water and wait and water and wait and maybe something happens and maybe nothing happens. 
Most of the time, at least my gardening friends tell me, something happens. I am not so sure. I am side-eyeing these little pots and hoping something is going on in there but highly doubting it and when I get my first sprout I swear I might cry because yes this is a metaphor for something.
Of course, it is.
Everything is a metaphor for something.
I want these seeds to sprout. I want my faith to be rewarded.
V. Alone: Tales From The Artic. I finished it yesterday and now I’m like WHAT NOW FFS I CANNOT BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS FOR ONE SECOND WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND.
VI. So the search for a new series is on. Or maybe I’ll rewatch The Fall because hanging out with this woman might just be the thing right now.
VII. I have a class to attend today at noon and a support group to attend tonight at seven, so that’s today, and I’m okay with that. In before and in between these things, work has been happening and will happening and I’m okay with that, too. See above re: a moment alone with my thoughts = eternal primal screaming.
VIII. I found this poem that I’d forgotten I’d written in my memories and it made me cry because it’s good and it’s fucking true.
You Make It Your Own
Loving you in all of this. That bit about the plants though. It’s so true. You bury a seed and live in hope and faith. xx
YES!!!
if it’s cool in your house it might take them a bit to sprout. maybe put them outside (if you can to let heat up to germinate) or alternatively in a bright window to start. i love your poem. it is beautiful. i’m the opposite. ii am always alone and have become so accustomed to it that i can’t think when i’m in a group of people. oddly enough, silence is the easiest way to wound me too.
love & blessings
~*~
ps…i really enjoyed yesterdays journal jam session
That poem, Effy…touches deep. Love the truth of it. ❤
Seeds..yes, they’re the ultimate act of hope and faith. Whether or not they sprout, it’s the planting of them that signifies it..that you have it….I want you to see that. Desperately, even..I want that for you.
And sometimes just when you don’t think anything is coming up, well, there it is and you’re like, ‘hey, hello you.”
I think this is why I garden, even though I effink HATE the heat of summer…it stops me from succumbing to the doom-spiral. I can kinda just circle around the edges ;) .
ps. they need warmth more than light at this point…the dark is where the magic happens.
pps. love you.
Love you, too, and two sprouted today. SQUEE.
I have to admit to being uber-nosy about the titles on your bookshelves…occupational hazard ;)
They’re mostly either poetry or witchcraft related. :)