I. I never know what the title of my blogs will be until I’ve finished writing them. I’m a ‘pantser’ as in, I write by the seat of my pants. It works for me, because once my fingers start moving over the keys, the words just flow. It wasn’t always this way but I got my first computer in 1997 and I have been typing out my musings ever since.

Y’all, that’s twenty-three years of writing practice.

Before I got my first computer, I was an avid diarist. I started when I was 19.

Y’all, that’s *mumblefish* years of writing practice!

Sometimes I forget. It’s good to remember.

II. I met a guy over the weekend (virtually) and we talked for hours and it was a lovely distraction from *waves at all of this*. He was *smooth*. Sweet to look at. There was no intention on my part to actually meet because I am fucked up as a soup sandwich, not even remotely over 42, and there’s this little matter of a global pandemic, but still.

And then I realized we had a mutual friend.

And when I mentioned this mutual friend, he turned sketchy as fuck.

So I asked him a few pointed questions, took in his denials, and outed him to our mutual friend *immediately* because all the red flags were waving, and I listen to those now.

She reported back to me that they *just broke up* and while he was spending all that time texting me, he was trying to convince her to come back to him. She was in the process of trying to decide whether or not to go see him when she got my message.

It is rare that one gets to be an unwounded messenger, one that gets a thank you, but that happened and I’m grateful because knowing what I saved her from, and what I *saved myself from* by asking all the right questions and then acting on the answers is so fucking validating I could cry.

Men. Am I right?

Get your fucking shit together or leave us alone. 

III. I think that whole interaction was enough for me for a good long time. I want to laser focus on year end, therapy, and getting my own shit sorted out so I can become a nice soup OR sandwich OR both separately on a beautiful plate instead of *waves at this healing pile of congealed snot and bitter hag*.

IV. I painted this for Darling Human. It’s going up tomorrow at the Darling Human $10 tier or the Darling Human Lite $5 tier. Come and get it. 

V. Next year in Moonshine (registration will open soon), we are going to have four extra celebratory gatherings on Zoom at the solstices and equinoxes. The equinoxes will be private, current students only. The solstices will be open to those who are doing Moonshine Lite on Patreon and/or were in previous years of Moonshine. Open Court. I’m into it. We’re going to dress up and everything and I AM SO HERE FOR THAT. Adornment. Adoration.

VI. I almost feel like I have a handle on all things work, and that is giving me a bit of pep in my step. I caught myself singing out loud today. I grinned at myself in the mirror at one point and said “YOU ARE THE BOSS”. I am healing. I think I’m going to live.

VII. My herb babies, however…sad panda. They’re all dead. I think maybe I’m not meant to be a green witch.

VIII.

This was taken at Braja Cole’s honey house. It was just the thing I needed to see in the moment. Renee calls these kinds of things “Secret Messages”. Do you know her? You will love her. 

I stopped to snap this photo before descending the rest of the staircase, because it was one of those moments that sends a frisson of yessssssss up my spine and I really like noticing those.

I will never give up hope. Never.

Where there’s life, there’s hope.

IX. That doesn’t mean I’m waiting for you. 

X. I am my own North Star. 

But I am also the moon.