I. I used to love this part of things. Doing a run through the house to make it ready. Ordering the things we’d need for the weekend. Soaking in the tub with a glass of wine after setting the scene and lighting the candles. The anticipation.Taking a loving look at myself in the mirror, naked, 52, and reminding myself that the gaze of a man in love is always kind.

There’s nothing new under the sun when you’re 52 butandalso you can make things new again. I will grow to love this part of things again. I believe. 

II. I bought tickets to a virtual concert with Jeff Martin on November 14th, and I am so excited about it. I have really been missing the live music part of my life which was something I’d started doing more of in the last two years. Jeff Martin is my secret boyfriend, but my other boyfriend doesn’t mind. We’re going to curl up on the divan and swill something delicious in a candlelit and scented room while watching Jeff play and sing his heart out.

See? I’m making all things new.

III. The three days off microdosing were just as powerful as the previous four days on. It is as though those ‘off dose’ days let you integrate what the four days on revealed. Big feels and big insights. Shifts. Healing. I am waiting until noon today to do my dose so I can get some work done without being altered. This feels like a good way to manage the omgsowobbly piece of the process. If that continues, I’m going to slash the dose by turning it into an elixir so I can take half one day and half the next.

IV. I’m thinking about skipping the rez run for smokes this time and firing up my vape instead because I want to live.

V. I spent two hours on Zoom with my wee girl and we had the most amazing experience where her incense started to behave strangely as soon as we started talking about one of our ancestors. It felt like a visitation and a conversation. It is ancestor season, after all, so I’m not surprised, but we were really delighted.

I also worked on adding text to my lip up girl from Journal Jam #19 and I am in love with her.

VI. Therapy today, so the rest of the day will be a gentle invitation to do nothing except be with the aftermath.

VII. Darling Human is humming along nicely and I’m really enjoying writing the notes.

VIII. Payments for things that I completely forgot I was owed came in yesterday and I am unexpectedly in much better shape than I thought I’d be. I am so grateful. I bought Sookie a set of stairs she can use to get on and off the bed (the whole sub sonic whining at 4 a.m. because she can’t get back onto the bed thing is SO OLD), and treated myself to some yarn and knitting needles (I left all that stuff behind when I moved), and a new mouse pad. It’s the little things.

IX. We’re working on a playlist. Making all things new. On Wednesday, we sat up until 3 in the morning telling Alexa what to play. Well, if I’m being honest, I told her what to play. I was intentionally creating a journey, and it was absolutely perfect. Next time, he’s going to drive.

X. I’ve put myself on a regimen of Vega One and vitamins every morning because I want to live.

P.S. Making mandalas in Procreate on my iPad Pro is medicinal.

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