Today is a little better but I don’t have the bandwidth for ten things. Just one or two.
I. I typed all the words into the void last night and had a nice, long crying jag. Rolled myself into my blankets and went to sleep. Got up this morning and declared it a blanket fort day. Threw a little paint. Spent some time with one of my beloveds on Zoom. We are in pretty much the same place and it was good to be seen and understood and to hear the words “I totally get it.” I know her story so I know she totally gets it.
II. My FB memories are fucking killing me right now.
Cleave
There are words
we don’t use,
words we left behind.
Like ‘cleft’
which signifies a split
but also means
to part,
to sever,
especially along
a natural line.
Hamlet.
Act 3 – Scene 4
Maybe you know it in this context –
“Thou hast cleft my heart in twain.’
It’s not a romantic line,
but, still, it has its place in this
since I have split my heart
in two.
***
I know it like that,
and I know it like this.
The way wood
cleaves to the axe
the way the heart of fire
must be parted,
half from half,
to be revealed.
I cling, I cleave
to an orphaned language,
and I am living In this line –
I am the wood,
I am the axe,
and my heart
is cleft in twain.
October 14, 2018
III. Tuna subs from Subway are medicine when you’re depressed and can’t eat.
IV. A favourite moment.
V. A favourite painting from two years ago.
I freaking love tuna subs from subway
They are the best.
The world (my world, in particular) needs more poetry by Effy. Piling big heaps of love and witness on you xoxoxo
ps.those BOOTS!!! Serious boot-envy happening here. !! xo
The boots have since been retired, but I have a new pair that are just the same so I’m happy.
I miss writing it. I need to be either falling in love or heartbroken to write it (dove’s blood or dragon’s blood) and this heartbreak isn’t yielding any dragon’s blood. Just wet dishrags and whining.
not sure if u read/enjoyed julie/julia i think it called.. about this tuffy (i love amy what’s her name who played her in the movie and i thought she was v good… but she wasn’t the author… at all…) new yorker (jersey?) woman who was having a hard time w 9/11 (she worked at an agency that provided some kind of support for folk who had suffered losses… and the building she worked in was, i think right x the street from the towers sigh… so she wanted something in her life to ‘take her to her happy place and decided she’d cook her way thru julia child’s giant french tome… maybe 5 nights a week… and she blogged it (this all true)… anyway this woman (guessing her name julie something 😛… not cameron… 😁) wrote a follow-up to that… called cleaving… where she actually trains to be a butcher! and it’s about her heart as well… i think u’d appreciate! 😘 i always thought a good news/bad news saying was ‘this too shall pass’ 😛 also i think i’ve lost an ice cream cone (complete.w icecream🍦 sigh) in my bed… 😖
I loved that movie. And how the hell did you lose an ice cream in your bed??
😁🙋💜💃
SOMEthing happened! phone call or a brain fart 😏 i useda eat while i read but spent too much time wondering WHERE WAS?!… so had to stop… i think/hope this a case of that! anyway it’s been daze so… 😊
I get it.
Sometimes being ‘gotten’ is all it takes to get us through. <3 Thank you.
You. xx
Yeah? You. xx