I. Virtual Harvestfest was beautiful and everything I needed it to be. It was so good to see the faces of my fest fam, even if only over Zoom. I spent the weekend in the cradle of the kind of love you can never lose, and I experienced some deep, deep healing. Clawed this thing I do every year, year after year, out of the jaws of ‘ours’ and back into the firm grasp of ‘mine’.

The process I used to create my effigy was an accidental hit, and I’ll probably be teaching it as a workshop in future iterations of Harvestfest. Here’s what I did.

Using natural pigments wherever possible, I created a two-sided painting – one to represent the ‘harvest’ side, and one that looked forward to the future.

Then, I wrote out everything I am grateful for on the Harvest side and everything I wish for or intend for my future on the other side. To protect my privacy, I ran the handwriting together, leaving no spaces between the words. This is a nice way to journal when you want the writing to be visible without necessarily being legible.

I used a paper cutter (Fiskars) to cut the sheet of watercolour paper into strips (long side).

I put some resins (myrrh, dragon’s blood, frankincense, and a little nugget of green stuff (because the King deserves a little green stuff!) in a tissue, formed it into a ball, and then wrapped it with lengths of the strips of paper, weaving it in as I went. I added arms and legs in the same manner until my effigy looked like an effigy.

On Sunday, Kimi, Lee, Alli, Mac and I all got together in Kimi’s backyard with our BRAND NEW FIRE BOWL YEAH! Kimi set it up so we’d have shelter (it was going to rain) and we plugged in my laptop and signed in for the annual Corn King Ritual over Zoom.

It was gorgeous. Everyone had their own effigies, and burned or buried them according to what their land required (some of us tuned in from areas where there were fire bans and burying seemed a better option).

I doused my King in pomegranate juice (squeezed from an actual pomegranate in a very dramatically bloody moment), and sprinkled Kimi’s gorgeous incense allllll over him before he met his destiny in the flames.

It wasn’t quite as spectacular as this:

But it was somehow even more intimate, more sacred than any other Corn King Ritual I’ve ever attended.

Something about how we have adapted and overcome. Something about how resilient we all are in the face of the challenges we are currently facing. Something about how my heart is still beating, still open, still full of love.

Something about taking it back, and making it my own.

I sent up a prayer that we would all meet again this time next year, and I felt that go up with the flames.

II. I’m doing a lot better than I was. I’ve refocused. I’m working hard. I’m moving through my days and nights with faith in my own ability to put one foot in front of the other. I am *very happy alone* right now. Very. I am loving my space and my solitude.

I am writing. I am healing. I am dreaming.

III. I’m worthy of devotion. I’m holding out for that.

IV. Many revelations lately that seem to be creating massive shifts in understanding and behaviour.

V. Therapy is worth it.

VI. I love my life.

VII. I miss you but I did the right thing…

VIII. …because I missed myself more, and I’ve got myself back.

IX. A chapter is over. A new one has begun.

X. We’re calling this one “52” because I choose me, now.

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