Here we are in November, which means it’s time to review October.
Here’s how I approach these reviews:
In the realm of Earth: My body, health, energy levels; my business, work, service to my community; how well am I receiving? Am I feeling abundant? Growthful?
In the realm of Air: My mind. What am I feeding it? How are my anxiety levels (while for some, anxiety is a body thing, for me it is a mind thing)? What’s interesting to me? Exciting to me? What am I learning? Researching? What ideas or insights are coming up for me?
In the realm of Water: My heart. How am I feeling? How are my relationships going? What’s happening in my underbelly, my subconscious? What’s bubbling up? What dreams are coming into my conscious awareness? Are my waters calm or troubled? If they’re calm, is there troubling stuff going on underneath? If I’m feeling troubled, is it about stuff I can actually change or am I borrowing trouble from the past or future (regret/worry)?
In the realm of Fire: My empowerment, which includes all spiritual work/study, and my sexuality. What am I passionate about right now? What has me shaking with fury? With desire?
I grabbed the elemental icons off the Internet ages ago, and I have no idea who made them, but the rest of the format is my own. Feel free to use this system of review if you like. :)
In The Realm Of Earth
Some of the lethargy I experienced in September has eased up, but I am definitely feeling the impact of less sunlight. I’ve been pretty good about taking vitamins and getting food into my face on a regularish basis. I’ve also started toting a half-gallon water bottle around with me all day and glugging from it regularly. I’m already noticing a difference in the number of dehydration headaches I’m getting.
I stopped microdosing after the third cycle, but I’ve had a bit regression in CPTSD symptoms over the last couple of weeks, so I’m considering doing another cycle or three at half the dose I was doing before. We’ll see how this week goes.
I recognized the reason I was so late in opening all my programs for 2021, and nipped that shit in the bud with a soft launch of Moonshine 2021. You can find out more about that here. It was a real push to get it out there, and I had to overcome some real resistance and even make a pinky swear with a dear friend to get it done, but I did, indeed get it done.
I bought a bunch of skincare stuff and, miraculously, I’m using it once in a while. That feels like progress.
Sleep is disturbed, but better than it was through September. I am being haunted nightly by dreams I would rather not be having, but I think that’s pretty much to be expected given all that’s been going on.
I’m skin hungry, but the purchase of floor-length cotton chemises (white, and so soft) has helped a little. Something about the routine of stripping down to skin and donning one of these luxurious garments feels like a caress of a sort.
In The Realm Of Air
I don’t have a whole lot of bandwidth in this arena. Most of my brainmeats are busy battling procrastination and anxiety. I did spend the better part of the month writing love notes for Darling Human, though, and I *actually got that done*, which feels like a minor miracle.
I’ve ducked out of most of the classes and projects I’ve been doing in an attempt to preserve enough mental energy for all I have to accomplish before year-end. I know I’ll get back to all of that when I can come up for air. (Hah! See what I did there?)
I’m listening to The Plains of Passage as my nightly audiobook indulgence. I am finding it repetitive, but that’s almost comforting since I have no fear of missing out when I’m drifting off to sleep while listening.
Thinking about: impossible dreams, obstacles in my way, executive function/dysfunction, Mary Oliver, and how much I’m looking forward to spending a year combining her poetry with mixed media art journaling.
In The Realm Of Water
It’s a dance. Some days are better than others, but most of them are cut through with some kind of saltwater moment.
I know healing is a process, but I am having trouble having patience with myself in this regard. There is no way I should be as heartbroken as I am, I tell myself. I should be over this by now, I tell myself.
All that is nonsense, though. It takes as long as it takes. I’m trying for self-forgiveness, working toward acceptance. Riding the waves most days. Treading water some days.
In The Realm Of Fire
Libido is still dead, buried beneath all of my other concerns. Anything to do with that aspect of self is still too attached to *waves at the last two years* to feel good or even safe. My body wants affection, sure, but otherwise, it wants to be left alone.
Passionate about: painting pomegranates, lip up girls, Journal Jams (There’s one today at 12 p.m EST), fires at Kimi’s place (we had one last night, and it was so good). Also passionate (urgently) about continuing the work I’m doing in therapy since I know it’s getting me somewhere.
Therapy. My work & the students who appreciate it. Journaling – both art and written. Those little snack packs of dried cranberries and nuts and cheddar that keep me alive some days. Fresh flowers. The bottle of Buffalo Energy scent I have from Beaux Magique. Twinkly lights. Spotify Playlists. Renee, Lee, Myrna, Kimi, Sal, Dani, Alli, Sera, Alex, for the way they’ve been showing up lately. The new double-walled stainless steel FIFTY OUNCE French Press that I gifted myself last month. Instacart. Holy Clothing (and those wonderful cotton chemises). My dogs. You. <3
Some Favourite Moments