I. I have not had the heart to write in a while. I kept opening up this little box of light with my fingers poised over the keys, but nothing would come. There is this emptiness…
II. …but, yesterday, I dragged myself out of the blanket fort, cleaned the kitchen, bleached the bathroom, did a bunch of laundry – all of which got folded and put away – stripped the bed and put on clean sheets, launched The Darling Human planner, washed my brushes, did a bit of art, and fed myself cabbage rolls. I feel a little less paralyzed today. Still slow. Still a bit lead-limbed. Still numbed out. But moving. Slow is okay. Gentle is okay.
Still. I’m a very quick person. I type fast. I work fast. I think fast, but in the last two or three weeks, I have been painfully aware of *plodding*. I am slow at everything. It takes enormous effort to find words. My get up and go has got up and gone. I think I’m in a prolonged trauma response. It feels like sleep paralysis only I’m wide awake.
I know I’m not alone.
You’re not alone either.
*Links pinkies with you*
III. The Art Bundles For Good Sale started today, and you can find out more here. I am very enthused about it because the list of offerings is *amazing*. $4500 worth of stuff for $97 and 25% goes to charity. I contribute to this bundle every year. This year, I’m throwing in the year-long Darling Human Art Journaling E-Course. It’s a $99 value. Check out the bundle here.
IV. I’m behind again, but I am going to get caught up this weekend. I’m determined.
V. Therapy today after a 2-week break.
VI. I’m really only typing to break the silence and because I know it’s important to keep up the ten things. My mental health depends on it. The sense of isolation I feel when I’m not writing is immense. Even if all I have to say is 2020 is hard, hello, I’m here, I’m alive.
VII. 2020 is hard. I’m still here. I’m alive. Things are okay, by which I mean that there’s no real crisis besides the one we’re all living through. I am pretty burned out, but I know this territory well. I’ll rise again. I always do.
VIII. The West Wing is so comforting. I’ve had it on for company all day every day for days. C.J. Craig is my favourite character. Who’s yours?
IX. I’ve got Lee tonight (The Magicians) and Kimi tomorrow (Jeff Martin Livestream) and a solo date with LP (Livestream) on Saturday, and Art Winos on Sunday. Thank the gods for my bubble, Zoom, and live-streamed concerts. I am having trouble feeling much of anything about anything but I am aware of feeling really fucking grateful for the things that get me through.
X.This song on repeat because it helps and this cover is just *gorgeous*.