I. I had SUCH a good weekend. There was RUFUS. There was a steak dinner. There was some painting by numbers. There was lots of Dr. G. There was Art Winos. There was a grilled cheese sandwich. There was work, too, which flowed beautifully. I am almost caught up.
II. I painted this today during Journal Jam.
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III. I’m doing a LOT more art just for me as a way to keep myself in tune with my inner workings. I’m really loving it. It’s also having the unexpected perk of reducing my back pain, since if I’m sitting upright in my office chair, I am not hunched over in bed typing on my laptop. BONUS. I made this on Sunday.
I am so sick of hearing about COVID that I decided to flip the script to CORVIDS. Hah!
IV. Missing my peoples dearly lately and all the news coming out about how vaccines really won’t change that much for most of us is kind of miserable, but I know this will pass one day. I just hope I’m not completely feral by then.
V. I’m enjoying my solitude, though, and a life in which I am all up in my own business and not at all in anyone else’s. What a blessed relief it is to be unencumbered in this way! I had no idea how much other people’s shit weighed me down. The people I’ve kept in my life have a beautiful flow with me where we take turns tending one another. There is a sense of partnership, of having one another’s best interests at heart. There’s no sense at all of *not mattering* or of being judged or lied to. No one steals from me, takes advantage of me, or gaslights me.
You can’t heal from trauma when you’re in a trauma, so the silver lining of the massive upheavals of 2020 is that I am no longer dealing with trauma brought on by shit other people are doing around or to me. This feels like a minor miracle given that my entire life has been spent dealing with the shit other people were doing around or to me.
VI. I love my chosen family so much, and I can’t wait to kiss and hug every damned one of them, and I’m just holding on to the hope that this will happen soon.
VII. I can feel my heart starting to open. There is no one in my sights (because – uh – lockdown) but if someone showed up with good intentions, I would be curious to see where that could go.
VIII. Dreaming about some things: a car and the freedom that will afford me. Owning a home. Finally writing that book.
IX. I’m over you. I will always love you, and I will probably always miss you, but you wronged me, and I deserved better, and I am over you.
X. It’s a new day.