I. Calling on all my holy helpers, guides, ancestors, and whatever powers stand ready to assist me in all the things, including healing from this motherfucker of a year and all that entails in this painting for New Moon in Pisces.

It will be my praxis this cycle (from new moon to new moon) to engage in little rituals morning and night to acknowledge their presence.

II. Got my Oculus Quest updated and charged up and did 23 minutes of high octane bashing and squatting with the Supernatural app. I worked up a sweat and the music was just what I needed and when I was done with the workout I did a ten-minute lovingkindness meditation while sitting on a mountain top on a beautiful clear day. This thing might just be the thing that saves my bacon while we teeter on the edge of opening up BUT NOT QUITE YET omg make lockdowns stop.

III. Lockdown silver linings. My hair hasn’t been this long since I was a little girl, and I love all the ways I can wear it now. The waterfall ponytail is my favourite.

IV. When I make a little bit of effort (and I do mean “a little bit” – so like, a little BB cream, a little mascara, a little sweep of shimmery shadow on the upper lid, a little lippy) I feel cute. Note to self: do this more often.

V. I finished Yellowstone last night and now I’m sulking because I have nothing to watch.

VI. I’m painting today though so it’s okay. I’m working on A Year Of Mary and I’m very pleased with myself. Peeks to come when it’s finished.

VII. TERFs disgust me. Transwomen are women. Transmen are men. I’m also disgusted by those railing against the decision (made of their own accord, mind you) of the estate of Dr. Suess to stop publishing six (out of over sixty) titles that are harmful to children because they espouse racist views. Same with those railing against the removal of Pepe LePew from the airways.

When are we going to get that transphobia, homophobia, racism and rapy-ness are not things we should be enshrining? They are things we should be challenging within ourselves and our communities. These are things we should be *protecting* our children from. We should be offering them alternative worldviews in which no one touches you without your consent and no one makes fun of you for the colour of your skin. Those who are comparing Pepe LePew to Family Guy or Southpark are full of shit, too, because these cartoons (while incredibly problematic) are not made for children. Pepe LePew was. I grew up watching rape culture masquerading as “romance” and “comedy” every Sunday after dinner. I am not here for it or for anyone defending it as a charming part of our childhood. So was Aunt Jemima and you all know how I feel about that.

Now can we address Disney’s problematic depictions of BIPOC and the way they whitewash history through their completely inaccurate depictions of Indigenous culture next? KTHNXBAI

#stabbity

VIII. GG is doing okay. More and more lucid every day, and that is doing my heart a world of good.

IX. Yesterday’s plans to go to Bijan’s and get the house done were preempted by finding myself in the flow with a lesson I was filming, so that’s happening today.

X. New Moon is already up for my moonbeams, so I can relax some this weekend. I’m taking a hiatus from things that require me to show up as my best self because I’m truly not fit for most humans right now. I am too reactive, a live wire, zero tolerance, all thorn no rose. The only people I can feel comfortable around in person have fur and four feet. I feel feral and I’m not going to lie. I’m rather enjoying it because it is better by far than feeling fragile.