I. Still fighting the good fight with GG in hospital and hoping his brain will come back from this latest break with reality, which is taking up a lot of emotional bandwidth. I’m going in to see him tomorrow. Wish me luck and a COVID-free hospital visit.
II. Journal Jam on Monday was pretty epic. I refused to do anything “like I usually do”, and the results were really edgy and fun. The time spent flinging paint was much needed.
Edited replays go up on Patreon.
III. Thinking about my sister today. Enough said.
IV. On Sunday, I made a pot roast so I could make pot roast soup, which I will happily eat for days. Something about soup when things are hard just puts a comforting spin on things. I also had my first stoop sit, which I enjoyed all wrapped up in a shawl I bought from Weavers Of Ireland. It was glorious. More of that, please. I’m hoping to lure Leonard back into my good graces. Remember him?
V. Work is good. I’m ahead. That’s a good feeling and I’ll take those where they come.
VI. Sushi with my spirit daughter was good. The restaurant had lots of space, and we felt safe. I stuffed myself on white tuna and left with a happy belly. The same day, I got to see a beloved friend I haven’t seen since September, which was also good (HI DANI LOVE YOU). We’re all emerging a little in the face of vaccines, but still maintaining distance and masking up.
VII. Lots of questions coming up around boundaries and energy and who gets mine and why. Lots of “are you fucking kidding mes?” and “holy nos” being uttered lately. The shedding year continues, and I have no regrets. If you lie to me, you don’t get access to me. If you harm me, you don’t get access to me. If you project your shit all over me and leave me to clean up the mess, you don’t get access to me. Period. No more fawning for this girl. Those days are over.
This feels so self-loyal that it takes my breath away.
VIII. I’m pretty sure I’m getting ready to graduate out into maintenance with therapy, since all I’ve been doing lately is reporting in on the shit that happens and how I handle it (with my newfound do no harm take no shit aplomb). I feel centered. I feel certain of my worth. I’m not easily knocked off course. I still get triggered, but since I insist on relationships with people whose words align with their actions, I get triggered *far less* than I did when I was invested in relationships in which I was constantly bewildered by the disconnect between what was actually happening and what I was being told was happening.
IX. I’m looking forward to another reading with Chris Zydel today. I picked today for reasons I won’t go into but I’m glad I have something to look forward to and occupy myself with. I’m also amused because my Chani App for today says “Call Your Healer”. Hah!
X. No snow when I woke up today. Birdsong. Spring is springing. Bring it on.
P.S. Please pray for GG. <3