I. Next up on the tour is “Language” and as I read the prompt, I sighed deeply, because words are one of my love languages. If I love you, I will offer you carefully selected words. Poems. Song lyrics. I will write you letters. I will spend hours in conversation with you exploring the topography of your soul. I don’t do small talk. I do depth talk, though I have really been enjoying the quick conversations I have with my kid every morning – not a lot of depth talk going on there, but lots of checking in lightly – and the quiet Zooms that include almost *no talking at all* – just making in amicable silence. That “comfortable in silence” is also a kind of language, though, isn’t it? It says “I’m safe with you.” It says “My soul can be at ease with you.”
II. Naming things is one of my superpowers. I like to think deeply about what a thing really is, boil it down to its essence and then give it a name. I name my courses this way. I’ve named support groups this way. I’ve named poems this way, and even blog posts this way. I’ve nicknamed people this way. Naming feels like a form of magic to me. Being named, too. I cherish the names I’ve been given.
III. Where would I be without words? Where would I be without this habit of describing and documenting my life in words? So much of how I learn and grow has to do with translating experiences into my own words. So much of my growth has to do with coming up with ways to label what I’ve experienced in ways that let me integrate it. SO much of what I do on a day-to-day basis has to do with the written word. My work. My healing. My spiritual & creative life.
I love words.
Do no harm, take no shit.
Stay Wild, Moonchild.
I am the storm.
Mother of Wildlings.
IV. But there’s a downside to this. I can fall or fly based on the utterance of certain words. I can put way more stock in words than I should. When words don’t align with actions I can go wild-eyed. I will believe your words long after your actions have proven you a liar because I *do not lie*. Not if I can help it. So when people use words to manage me without living up to those words, well, that fucks me over like nothing else.
It’s something I’ve been working on and lately, I carefully hold words up to actions to take a measure of how they’re landing with me.
If you want me in your life, say what you mean and mean what you say.
Otherwise, leave me alone, because I am really fucking tired of falling or flying. Let me be still.
V. Kimi was supposed to come over yesterday, but we both opted out. She wanted a day in the sun with her kid (it was gorgeous out there!) and I didn’t want to have to strip my bed in prep for laundry. Also, I couldn’t find my keys (which includes the laundry room key) and I really didn’t want the stress of hunting for them. I opted for the softer world of not caring where my keys are and curling up with things to read and watch. We’ll do *waves at all of that* today.
VI. The Rufus live streams were discontinued and I have been sorely missing them. It was so good to have something to look forward to every Friday, and the sense of community that grew up around those weekly romps through his discography with other fans was just the ticket. There was some hinting around that he would resume at some point, so I’ve got my ear pressed to the rails for that news, but in the meantime, there’s WoW with the kid, right? And I could dip into some of the classes I have stored on my external hard drive. The weather is getting nice enough to do some stoop sitting in the evenings as well, so that could also be a thing.
VII. Ontario went into “stay-at-home” orders yesterday at midnight. I figured that was going to happen, and like I’ve been saying, it doesn’t change much for me, but it *scares* me because I’ve been watching the gov response to the virus carefully and there has been a precedent set for necessary things being delayed until it’s too late. The way vaccines are being handled is such *bullshit* right now, too, since the people going down with the virus and ending up in ICU beds are essential workers, so why aren’t they being vaccinated first? It’s so frustrating. *HISSES* Meanwhile, the thing is mutating all over the place and who knows what will happen next.
Uncertainty. We hates it, preciousssssssss. We HATES it.
VIII. All we can do is all we can do and I will emerge (hopefully) from this pandemic knowing I did everything I could to protect myself and others. Those who didn’t – well, that’s for them to sort out, right? Meanwhile, the gov + stupid people are making this thing last way longer than it had to last and that adds a layer of bitterness to my feelings about the whole thing. It didn’t have to be this way, and yet it is, and wtf is wrong with people?
Some of us are going to emerge from this pandemic with a super healthy side of misanthropy, I think. I am pretty sure I’m going to be one of them.
I used to quip “I prefer cats to people” – a quote from Charles Baudelaire, but I didn’t really mean it. Now?
I really mean it.
GET OFF MY LAWN.
IX. Not you, though. You can stay.
X. April posted this cover of Who By Fire on her blog yesterday and I am all over it.
I’m planning to blog every day this month along with a crew of almost 300 other bloggers in my “Artfully Wild Blog Along“. If you’d like to join us, you are most welcome! Both bloggers and readers are invited to join in the fun! The only requirement is that you agree to comment on three blog posts for every blog post you share in our Facebook