I. Yesterday, I tossed two wet teabags into the paper bag I had sitting on my kitchen table – the one that was holding all the little bits and bobs of garbage I was tossing into it as I went about the business of clawing my kitchen back from the chaos that happens when I am not feeling well. Then, when I was finished filling it and lifted it to transfer it into a proper receptacle, the bottom broke. Garbage everywhere.
When I pressed the coffee, it exploded all over me & the counter & the floor that I had JUST CLEANED BECAUSE GARBAGE EXPLOSION.
When I was cleaning up the floor, I smashed my head on the underside of the counter.
All of this happened as I was listening to the news from the night before – news about vaccine delays and other fuckery.
And then I started laughing, because what else are you going to do?
II. The day did get better. I forced myself to go to bed with the furfaces who decided to attach themselves to my body for the duration of the day/night. There was one point at which I’d had enough of all the body heat they were generating and said “C’mon, y’all! Give me some personal space!” I got up to refill my glass, and when I returned to my spot, they just glomped right back on me in exactly the same position they were before – Sybil in my lap, Salem at my knee, and Sookie along my left thigh.
I don’t know if they needed me or if I needed them, but whatever. I settled in and picked up what they were putting down, which was “Rest, mama. Be still. Breathe.”
III. This happened:
I laughed so much over this, y’all. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t catch my breath.
Only in Canada.
IV. Today I will throw a riot of colour at a 9 x 12 piece of watercolour paper, but not until I’ve had coffee with Renee, eaten something (eggs and toast with some beans and sliced tomatoes, I think), and washed my brushes. I have a thing that’s late because of the back pain & the total refusal to push myself beyond my own limits. I’ll make up for it today, and now that I’ve wrapped my head around what I want to do, I’m really looking forward to it.
V. April in Canada. It was super warm for a couple of days there, and now there’s a chance of snow today and tomorrow. I turned the AC off and the heat back on. We tend to get two false springs before the real thing comes on here in Southwestern Ontario, so I’m used to it, but it does feel a little like mother nature is teasing me.
VI. I found out yesterday that the fantasy fiction writing thing I’m doing *does* have replays available so that’ll be a project for this weekend once I get the work stuff squared away.
VII. I’m really reaching today because *waves at all the sameness* but that’s ok. Ticking “blog” off my list will feel good since it is a commitment I’ve made to myself and sometimes self-loyalty looks like slogging through a thing because you’ve made a commitment to yourself.
VIII. Subtext. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. If I have to guess what’s going on, well, I just won’t anymore. I no longer pursue understanding. I figure if I’m not being told, it’s none of my business. I’ll take what’s offered freely and full-throatedly while I offer the same. I don’t want to have to puzzle out my connections. I don’t want to have to read between the lines.
I feel like sometimes people set you up to do this because they want to feel like they matter. I get that, but it’s too much to ask right now, you know? Do you want to be in my life? Awesome. If you need me to come in after you and beg you to stay, I’m not your huckleberry. The 2020s have taken any desire for anything that isn’t easily and rightfully mine right out of me.
If I have to fight for it, I’m not interested. I’m too tired.
This is new. I like it.
IX. #Goals
X. #Mood
I’m planning to blog every day this month along with a crew of almost 300 other bloggers in my “Artfully Wild Blog Along“. If you’d like to join us, you are most welcome! Both bloggers and readers are invited to join in the fun! The only requirement is that you agree to comment on three blog posts for every blog post you share in our Facebook
I love the, “I’m not your huckleberry”. You are my huckleberry. There is nothing like the communities you’ve built. My people…
You’re MY huckleberry! <3
ooph, thats alot! I hope today is gentler with you. And know I’m here if you need anything.
The sameness…..yes. ugh.
We have to do something about all this fucking sameness.
When I grow up I want to be Helen Mirren #LifeGoals
Elle xx
Yes. She is smokin’. <3
The Zoom hilarity: both the nudity AND the politeness!
YES. So hilarious and SO VERY Canadian.
I really like this thought: “sometimes self-loyalty looks like slogging through a thing because you’ve made a commitment to yourself.” So true in so many different applications. “Self loyalty” is why I joined in with your blogging challenge, and while i haven’t made it EVERY day I have done so much better than in the past, which is encouraging me to keep going. Thanks for putting your encouragement out into the world! :)
I intend to keep the group open so those of us who are blogging can continue reading and commenting. <3
There is hope for me yet?? Wishing you ease and comfort. PS I’m your Huckleberry.
YAY! <3
oh, that last picture *sigh*. also, Helen is basically a goddess. xo
She really is. <3 So are you.
Love love love Helen Mirrin! Can I be her when I grow up?
Totally feeling ya on the VIII-Subtext. I don’t want to riddle out what you’re telling me
If you want me to know then just say it. Don’t make me guess and puzzle it out. I don’t
have the bandwidth for that anymore. If I ask you to just say it and you don’t, well then
I’m just going to go with you really don’t want me to know and I will just move on. I have
someone that does this from time to time, it’s frustrating.
Hope you are feeling better.
I’m still tender but I’m definitely functional. <3
I can so relate to Helen Mirren’s quote and the mood, “i live in Canada.” lol. My haiku and blog tomorrow are percuolating around where spring has gone. And the naked MP. Priceless! I hadn’t heard about that so thank you. Glad you’re feeling somewhat better, Effy. <3
That poor guy. There’s an investigation now into who took and circulated the screenshot, which makes me happy, because that was *rude* and probably even criminal.
Still can’t stop laughing, though.
“What else can you do but laugh” yup! I totally get that, and apply it to many areas of my life right now. :)
RIGHT??
“if I have to guess what’s going on…..” YES! I feel you!
You sound like you have the weather going on that we do here in Colorado! Spring, winter, spring etc…
It’s third winter here today. *laughs*
Oh my, garbage all over and hitting your head? That IS too much and yes laugh is all one can do – also thinking what good fodder for your blog.
I say **uck too much anyhow. Hubby used to say worse until I picked up the words. Now he wishes he had not taught them to me because I still say them. Like “pig ***ucker. Now that’s a fun one to say. Don’t watch the news with me because I talk back and it isn’t nice.
I’m glad you’re keeping the blogging open for us. I hope others will continue blogging. I’m enjoying reading and replying. It will keep me motivated.
I love my trucker mouth. :) Yours, too!
Oh my gosh! I’m feeling so much about all of this. Laughing and wincing (how is your head?!) and nodding. And sending you lots of love!
My head is better today. :D
I am glad to hear the writing thing has replays for you. I know what it’s like to just stop instead of pushing through when you miss a thing, so yay, you can catch up! I wanna acknowledge that I see you ROCKIN’ IT right now. Go self care and doing what you can when you can.
Thank you for that “ROCKIN’ IT”. I needed that. <3
VIII Subtext. Feeling this. I’m tired and have also decided not to engage in the immediate life and bigger picture (media) with things that are too much work and suck the life force out of me. Creating my own world everyday – sometimes happy, sometimes not so much- but it’s from me and genuine and not BS or created drama. I lstopped replying to texts and calls that I could see were set ups to draw me in to some silly thing that I just don’t need to be part of or hear about. If cornered, I directly say with as my love as i can: “I don’t have time for this”. Which is funny because I’ve got more time than ever before but I’m claiming it as mine. Some good things will come out of this very strange period.
“I don’t have time for this.” Perfect response to those time suckers. <3
Weather in springtime is fickle everywhere…it’s crazy…we had a few NICE warm days and here came winter again…and I live a lot of miles south of Canada! Splashing watercolor on a 9×12 piece of paper sounds like a good idea. A package of paper I ordered from Blick online came today… now I have NO excuse for not “arting”…
I hope you get some arting in, but if you need to rest, rest! <3
OMG the kitchen clean up. ANNOYING. But this “VIII. Subtext. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. If I have to guess what’s going on, well, I just won’t anymore.” I am so there with you.
My trauma has finally healed enough that the INFJ door slam has kicked in, and I’m not mad about it.
Once I know, I know, yanno?
I know you know.
Also, love you.
Number VIII!!!! Yes ma’am! That’s the ticket!!! Love you!