I. I spent a few hours running around in Azeroth with GG last night, and it was awesome. We also had a listening party – took in the newest album from Amigo The Devil. 

Dude made me cry. I love him so much.

II. I slayed a bunch of the list yesterday before I went “off-world” and that facilitated a totally guilt-free escape. Maybe one day I will be able to ‘escape’ as needed without needing to “earn the right”. #Goals

III. I think what I like about writing and reading blogs is that it’s pretty close to writing letters. Remember those? There’s something way more intimate about this kind of “keeping in touch” than the social media kind. It’s like slow food or slow fashion. It takes more time, but that also means it takes more *thought*, more *heart*.

I will never not love blogging.

IV. I have a maintenance appointment with my therapist today, and I’m looking forward to seeing her. I wrangled some demons since the last time I saw her and I’m proud to check in with *waves at all of that*. Most of it has to do with emotional regulation, responsiveness vs. reactiveness, self-loyalty, and recognizing that other people’s projections are not my problem. I am entirely self-possessed. It feels good.

V. I put a sunny-side-up egg on top of a bowl of baked beans this morning and shoved it in my face. It was everything my body wanted. I have leftover corned beef and cabbage to heat up for tonight’s dinner. I’ll probably have some kind of snack at some point, but I can only seem to manage 2 full meals a day. I’ve become willing to accept that because forcing myself to eat more feels *wrong* to me. I eat when I’m hungry, and I eat what I want, and that seems intuitive and healthy.

VI. I was listening to one of my favourite playlists yesterday while editing a video and I found myself chair dancing and singing at the top of my lungs. Sybil was *very into it*, and came over to meow-yell and rub her little head all over my face, arms and chest while I sang. The more I sang, the more she loved on me.

Cats are weird and amusing.

I took this a) in the dark and b) with my camera’s (lousy) zoom, so I had to edit it but I wanted to show you how stately she is when she isn’t drinking the paint water, head butting my hand while I’m trying to fill her food bowl, or torturing her dog.

She says “Mama, you need a pedicure”.

She’s not wrong.

VIII. I want a lover who will paint my toenails.

IX. This Canadian art supplier carries Tri-Art!

X. I did this painting last year around this time and I love her joyful little face so much.

The reminder to lean in to pleasure was timely for me. I feel cut off from my sensuality and sexuality, which seems self-preservative and wise (thank you body) since pleasure of the paired up kind is not available to me right now. I mean *I could* have that kind of fun – I’ve had (very tempting) offers – but no matter how pandemic weary I am, I am not so weary that I’ll put myself at that kind of risk.

So, the libido is like “I’m on vacation” and I’m like “Cool, cool. Just maybe think about coming back after we’re vaccinated, okay? I need shenanigans.”

But not till after we’ve all been vaccinated.

 

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