I. I had my vaccine yesterday morning and I’m happy to report that it hasn’t been any worse than any other jab I’ve ever gotten. My arm is super sore, and I am pretty tired, but that is better than OH I DUNNO DEAD so I’ll take it.
My second jab is scheduled for August 26th, but there was a suggestion that I might get it sooner depending on how many doses come in and what the uptake is.
I get the hesitancy people are experiencing because the rollouts were handled so horribly and it wasn’t made clear that the rare occurrence of blood clots are *really really rare*. Like, we get more adverse experiences with *aspirin* than we do with Astrazeneca. But, yo. I am GenX. I am fearless. As far as I’m concerned, the best shot is THE ONE I CAN GET IN MY ARM.
Anyway. I’m happy for the light at the end of the tunnel that shot one represents and I will happily roll up my sleeve for shot two.
II. I’m getting more and more curious about painting landscapes. This feels exciting. I’ll keep you posted.
III. I’m also getting more and more inspired to just simply draw. I’ve got my iPad all charged up. It feels somehow less precious to sketch in Procreate with my Apple pencil – makes practice something I can do anywhere, any time. No “wasted” paper. I just want to populate my paintings with more symbols than I can currently represent. It’s time to get over the whole “I can’t draw” story I keep telling myself. I can draw. Anyone can. I just *don’t* because my fear of failure has been holding me back. That’s enough of that, right?
Right.
IV. I got ghosted by The Viking, but I’m actually okay with it. The whole thing was a good experience for me because here’s the thing – every time he touched me, my whole body tightened up. I felt like I was bracing for something. The wrongness of the connection wasn’t registering with my brainmeats, but it was registering in my body, and that’s excellent data. Still. He can go die in a fire, because I offered him a second chance to approach me differently, and his response was to assert over and over again that I was super hot and he was so, so willing and available for whatever kind of sex I wanted as soon as I wanted it and then to ghost me after three dates with no action.
Ugh.
In the words of my witch adjacent, “Why men?”
V. More good data, though, is how contented I am to be on my own. I used to love sharing space with other people, but not so much anymore. Not unless I’m 100% comfortable in their presence. If I have to adapt to the presence of another being, I don’t want that being in my presence.
This might be the best gift this pandemic has given me. I’ve gone from experiencing aloneness and solitude as some kind of burden to fully and completely loving it and the sense of safety I experience within it.
Everything from here on out needs to happen on my terms or it isn’t happening.
Hermity girl is hermity.
VI. I still want a commune with all my people, though. It would be so lovely to have a wheel-like habitat where there’s a shared space in the center – like a lodge with a huge courtyard – where we share meals and fires and have parties and then have separate little tiny houses all arranged around it. I’d need two, though. One for living in and one for work, because I love the idea of having those spaces be separate from one another for once in my life.
VII. “I believe in kindness. Also in mischief.” – Mary Oliver
I’m going to work with that quote for the next “A Year Of Mary” painting, which will be offered as a full-length or speed painted tutorial on Patreon on May 15th.
VIII. My grandbean, Amelia, turns 1 today.
LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE LITTLE INUK BABY!!
She puts her parents through their paces, I can tell you. We’ve had to figure out how to lock the phone when we’re doing video chats because she will NOT let anyone else hold it for her when she’s chatting with me.
Here she is with her dad, my eldest son. LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL INUK BABY WITH HIS BABY! :)
Gah. I can’t wait to hold that little one in my arms.
IX. My youngest daughter is in iso because her roommate AND her boyfriend tested positive for COVID. Blessedly, no one in the household is seriously ill, but it has been stressful knowing that my baby girl is within sneezing distance of this awful virus. We’re checking in every day, playing Words with Friends, staying as calm as we can.
She lives in Alberta, which is as much of a dumpster fire as Ontario is, and her peoples are all considered “essential workers” so this felt a bit inevitable. I can’t wait until they all have shots in arms so we can all breathe a little easier.
She’s been baking a lot of bread and torturing me with pictures.
X. I’m okay, all things considered. There’s a lot that’s “wrong” but there’s also a lot that’s “right” and I’m leaning hard in that direction because that is what gets me through.
Why men? Yay for grandbabies and vaccines and communes and hermitness. I love you.
I love you more.
She is one already? WOW time sure flies and she is absolutely adorable!!
YAY for vaccine!
Seriously!! The other bean is going to be THREE in July. THREE! WTF IS HAPPENING?
I relate to so much about this post, but especially what you wrote about solitude. I’m totally in on your wheel community idea! 💙
I love that you’re stepping into your bravery to practice drawing because you are 100% right and it’s something I feel deeply passionate about, everyone can draw! The ONLY difference between those who can and those who think they can’t is those who can practice and practice and practice. It’s actually part of why it annoys me if someone tells me I’m so talented… it’s not talent, it’s hard-earned skill!!
I also love how you are become more aware of what your body is telling you.
I also also love your commune desire. This is exactly what I’ve been dreaming of. Communal areas for eating and lounging around and separate huts to go sleep or have alone time in. Love, love, love, love, love this idea.
Also, also, also, that little cherub is the sweeeeeeeeeetest!!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. <3 And ISN'T SHE??? I want to chew her cheeks.
Yay to the vaccine! It is such a relief, I know. The viking knew that you were more woman than he could handle. Definitely his loss. And yes, the grandbaby is beautiful.
The relief was absolutely palpable. <3
Oh my goodness but that little squidget is absolutely ADORABLE!!! Those cheeks!!!
High-fives for the jab — I have my first appointment on Monday!! I was so stoked as I booked it – like how I vaguely remember booking concert tickets about a zillion years ago. :D.
Sign me up for the commune-hermitage….I’m all over that.
Re: the Viking — it’s hard not to lump men into one loathsome heap when you deal with behaviour like that. Ugh.
all the love xo
The commune-hermitage is going to be amazing. :)
What an amazing gift you’ve been given. To be happy with yourself and know this s fabulous! And your granddaughter is gorgeous! Hermity is good btw!
Awe, baby girl is a beauty, she has deep in those baby eyes.
It feels like Freedom… my world won’t change much, I still have to be careful around folks {disease} But, wow, the way it’s helping my children breath deeper, and friends feeling that freedom to stretch. That’s beautiful to me… Hope.
So glad you got your first jab! Yay! And why is it so darned hard to listen to our bodies sometimes? Glad you are feeling okay with the Viking thing and realizing your body knew something was up.
That grandbean! Oh my gosh what a ball of light that one is! <3
I have my ipad and pencil charged to play with procreate too. Yes so much better than using up all the paper just to play and sketch.
Beautiful Granddaughter and handsome son!
Hoping to get back to blogging soon.
Love reading your writings.