I. I almost didn’t make it for my first day because I am in the midst of a family emergency that meant I tossed some things in a bag and Ubered to Kitchener from London at 3 in the morning and *of course I forgot my laptop charger*. Once I did everything I could do here to be helpful and get the family emergency under some semblance of manageable, I called around to see if anyone had the correct charger, but it was already 7 p.m. by then, and my only hope was Best Buy, which was closing at 8. Into another Uber went I because I have to have this laptop charged up to run my business AND do day one of the blog along and I’m going to be here in Kitchener until sometime tomorrow.
II. On my way home, I looked at the packaging and thought “Oh, wait…this is the wrong charger and felt utterly deflated and full of OMGDOOM but it works fine. It has a different look to the one I was using, but it is FINE so I’m all charged up and oh hey HI. Day one of the blog along is getting done under the wire.
III. GG went off his meds again, so that’s what I’m navigating. He is fine with me sharing this because he gets that the Internet is my home town and you are all my fam and you love him, too. This break has been costly because you know what happens when people lose touch with reality, right? They don’t pay their rent. So, bank of mom had to crack open the vault and that has been a bit OMG DOOM given the time of year.
By next month I’ll be fine AND my peeps are showing up in small and large ways, so truthfully, I’m fine now, and so is he.
We’re going to be okay.
IV. Mental health in Canada is such, though, that a schizophrenic can skip FOUR MONTHS worth of his anti-psychotic injections and two weeks of the other meds he’s supposed to be taking and no one seems to fucking notice and this infuriates me. It is known that keeping a person with psychosis on their meds is the most challenging part of this kind of diagnosis. It would be nice if the system helped that happen, but no.
We won’t even talk about the ex that actually lives here who promised he’d been checking in but stopped months ago because I DON’T KNOW WHY MEN?
I am bitter.
V. I am having my annual Pay What You Can sale. Here is the email. It ends on September 5th, so if there are classes in my archives that you’d like to get in on, you’re in luck! And also this will help with the cracking open of the bank of mom + the insane cost of Ubering from Kitchener to London. Thank you in advance.
VI. I arrived here at about 4:30 a.m., sat up with GG till 5:30, and then caught a little snooze ’till ten. Flew into action getting programs up for September 1st, wrote up the PWYC sale stuff, touched base with everyone that needed to know what was going on, got GG off to the pharmacy to pick up meds and on the phone with the doctor to schedule his injection, and then dug the kitchen and dining room out of the depression nest that it has become in my absence.
Dishes are always the hardest part of all this because it’s hundreds of crusty things that need to be soaked and done in stages.
It’s meditative, though, and it gives me a sense of having something to do in face of the most powerless I’ve ever felt in my life.
VII. GG is doing much, much better already with meds on board and can face what’s left to do to dig himself out. His place is secured. He is employed. He is going to work tomorrow, and once I get my ass home, I will, too, but first I’m going to curl up in bed with the dogs and a friend who will pet my hair and tell me I’m amazing and have a little cry, because whoa.
VIII. Can we talk about how much more important it is to get your hair pet and hear how amazing you are vs. getting laid anymore?? I know the latter is important, but the former is priceless, and it’s all I want. For now. The rest – sex, romance, coupling up, partnering and being partnered etc. feels too fraught and complicated and full of fang and claw and blood and dragons.
IX. Be careful how you bend me.
X. Image of GG for tax. This is his favourite photo of himself, which I took. It was one of those glorious evenings. There was a gorgeous backyard fire, and I talked about how firewood is stored sunlight and how that’s why so many religions have fire festivals – it’s all sun worship and his first response was to scoff and tell me I was wrong (because that is what sons do with their moms before they grow up a little) and then he stopped mid-sentence and made the “MIND BLOWN” face, sound and hand gestures because he realized that I was absolutely spot on.
His sheepish and admiring smile was one of the best things ever.
When they figure out that they got their genius from you as much as their brokenness, the real friendship between parent and child can begin.
P.S. Everything is going to be okay.
I’m blogging every day in September and you’re welcome to join me.
Glad you could help him get back on track. We need GG in our jams!! Tell him his fan club hopes he is ok!!
XOXO XOXO XOXO
So glad he and you are okay.
Sending positive vibes – yes what is it with the system and people in it not doing there job – they are the first to drill you for forgetting something, etc. Must check your sale out – sure I will find something I need there. xoxo
Virtual bucket on your virtual porch filled with a lot of compassions cuz, well… that’s all a lot of a lot. <3
I love you, and GG. I love you for all the reasons, but today because you’re everything for him that we always needed ours to be. And him for all the reasons but today because he’s a cis man living in this fucked capitalist patriarchal society and yet still understands he needs help (at least, when he’s capable). Help from mom, nonetheless. I hate how much courage that takes, but I love that he had it. I hate how much courage it takes to step back into this inferno of shit mental health care, but I love that you did (and did so safely).
You two are heavy on my heart today. <3
Oh Effy, what a fucked situation. And you are so fab in an emergency! May all flow well for him, and for you AND your bank account.
So much to suddenly deal with, Effy and I’m so glad you have a soft place with all of this and I’m so glad that GG is getting back on track. You constantly amaze me with your strength and compassion and being human-ness. Keeping you both close. <3
Awe, sis… I feel this on both sides. GG each time you climb out, is a victory worthy of the fight. You’re not alone, you are blessed.
Mama, so much truth. Yes, they don’t just get those broken bits, they get the power and ability to climb up out of that abyss.
Blessings on you both.
Yes, stroking hair, reminding, everything will be alright…
Love you to the moon and back. <3
Thinking of you…
You are the best mum ever. I am sending all the love to you an GG to get through this and back on the road to recovery. Big hugs.
Sitting here thinking of you and GG tonight. I’ve been sending love all day to both of you on the waves in the Universe and will continue as things come together for you both. Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder have been in my sphere for a bit and I understand how hard it is for you and GG. I’m so glad you have each other and this entire community to help support you. Please keep reaching out. Love, Gina
That truly is a gorgeous picture of your son. He is a very handsome young man. I’m glad everything is back on track.
oh boy, a familiar story. I work in the mental health field. Covid has played a big part in what we are allowed to do to support clients. It is a tricky situation. I do not agree with all the policies. We could only provide telephone or virtual service for the longest time.
Some who are not well at the time would not be identified in crisis as some reply just one word answers mostly I’m fine. If a landlord is reaching out and does not get a response, they can contact the case manager, but often landlords have so many places, they don’t stay on top of it either. The cracks are much bigger now sadly.
As well, many mental health agencies lost staff in Covid as they felt they were not doing enough. Many clients did not have the knowledge for virtual or the budget to support internet. Very frustrating. So there are many vacancies in the mental health field and clients are being shifted to new workers constantly. How do you build a relationship with a person when you do not see them or are constantly being reassigned? Oh this one burns my ass.
I work in recreation in mental health. It was lovely to see some of the members return yesterday who we could not reach virtually and enjoy some socialization. They played with watercolours. Our goal is to provide socializing, enhance mood and cognitive and physical, so fine motor yesterday. We have all been too isolated for too long.
Often, when one is unwell as you know, bills slide, meaning no phone to even reach out. So frustrating for all.
Thank you for being such a wonderful mother to GG and bringing your voice to be heard. I would be ticked, and reach out the case manager (of course consent is necessary) and ask your questions. Policies need to be changed somewhere.
Beautiful boy, beautiful mama. My heart aches and soars for you both. all the love xoxo
Thinking of you and sending positive vibes Elle/EOTC xx
Much love to you sweet Mama and to your GG <3 I love the picture. You are awesome!
All this and yet still you give to us, your online art community. As someone who has suffered mental health issues and passed that gene / propensity ?? on to three of my four sons, thanks you so much for all you do for your son, and for this community. Much love.