I. I am already a day behind the blog-along, but that’s okay because I can just post twice on a day when I have the bandwidth and BOOM. I will have honoured the spirit of 30 posts in 30 days.*
II. I arrived home yesterday at around 2:15 p.m. to happy dogs, a happy cat, a clean house, and my platonic life partner, who poured me a glass of wine, let me decompress, and then watched things with me until 11 p.m. when I was finally wound down enough to sleep. He noticed that I was *very quiet* and even wondered at one point if I was mad, so we had the talk about trauma and some of the ways I respond. Getting very quiet and exuding a general sense of “more thorn than rose” is definitely in my wheelhouse.
What happened – going back to the house I fled from in 2020, finding the depression nest, having to deal with my ex (in a very limited capacity thank gods), sleeping on that couch in that living room. Looking out of that window – was a lot and so, I came home retraumatized and needed some time to regulate my nervous system.
C-PTSD is no joke, y’all.
III. But I seem to be all in one piece today. In fact, I have successfully navigated a massive sale (still going – click here for details) and gotten dozens of students settled in their new classes *manually* because that’s how this sale works. I’ve filmed a lesson for Moonshine. I’ve edited it. I’ve done the check-in with GG over Zoom. I’ve checked in with my wee girl. I’ve checked in with a guest artist. I’ve glued some things into my Sweet Trash Journal. I’ve fed, watered, and cleaned up after my animals.
IV. I kind of amaze me, okay? Seriously.
V. The hot tub of salted and scented water I am going to throw myself into after I post this is going to feel amazing, and I have definitely earned it. More than.
VI. This popped up on my feed this morning and it reminded me so much of how we, as a community, do this. I rushed in to help GG with his broken brain but you all rushed in to help me with the financial consequences of having to do that + so much moral support that I pretty much floated through the experience bourne as I was on the wings of your love and support.
Thank you for that.
VII. The lasagne I had last night was also a part of the cure. What is it about carbs that are so g_d damned comforting? I had it for breakfast, too, and while carbs usually give me food coma, I am so depleted that it had an energizing effect. All hail the power of carbs!
VIII. I felt some of that “this is what September is supposed to feel like” here yesterday evening while sitting on the front stoop with Lee. I love this time of year so much for the way the air feels like a caress and the sun is a gentler presence. It was a bit gnarly through August – very hot, very muggy – and my moment on the stoop reminded me of how lucky I am not to be living in the path of Ida, which has left people without power, water, and other essentials.
Gratitude. Empathy. Too many feelings to process about *waves at all of this* so I’m just pulling in all my tendrils so I don’t get overwhelmed. That, too, is a privilege that I will not take for granted.
IX. What’s happening in Texas. I just don’t even have words.
X. That’s enough of that. Today, the breeze is cool, the sun is gentle, there is MORE LASAGNE for dinner, GG is back on track, and I am ok.
Purple curls photo for tax!