I. I am already a day behind the blog-along, but that’s okay because I can just post twice on a day when I have the bandwidth and BOOM. I will have honoured the spirit of 30 posts in 30 days.*
II. I arrived home yesterday at around 2:15 p.m. to happy dogs, a happy cat, a clean house, and my platonic life partner, who poured me a glass of wine, let me decompress, and then watched things with me until 11 p.m. when I was finally wound down enough to sleep. He noticed that I was *very quiet* and even wondered at one point if I was mad, so we had the talk about trauma and some of the ways I respond. Getting very quiet and exuding a general sense of “more thorn than rose” is definitely in my wheelhouse.
What happened – going back to the house I fled from in 2020, finding the depression nest, having to deal with my ex (in a very limited capacity thank gods), sleeping on that couch in that living room. Looking out of that window – was a lot and so, I came home retraumatized and needed some time to regulate my nervous system.
C-PTSD is no joke, y’all.
III. But I seem to be all in one piece today. In fact, I have successfully navigated a massive sale (still going – click here for details) and gotten dozens of students settled in their new classes *manually* because that’s how this sale works. I’ve filmed a lesson for Moonshine. I’ve edited it. I’ve done the check-in with GG over Zoom. I’ve checked in with my wee girl. I’ve checked in with a guest artist. I’ve glued some things into my Sweet Trash Journal. I’ve fed, watered, and cleaned up after my animals.
IV. I kind of amaze me, okay? Seriously.
V. The hot tub of salted and scented water I am going to throw myself into after I post this is going to feel amazing, and I have definitely earned it. More than.
VI. This popped up on my feed this morning and it reminded me so much of how we, as a community, do this. I rushed in to help GG with his broken brain but you all rushed in to help me with the financial consequences of having to do that + so much moral support that I pretty much floated through the experience bourne as I was on the wings of your love and support.
Thank you for that.
VII. The lasagne I had last night was also a part of the cure. What is it about carbs that are so g_d damned comforting? I had it for breakfast, too, and while carbs usually give me food coma, I am so depleted that it had an energizing effect. All hail the power of carbs!
VIII. I felt some of that “this is what September is supposed to feel like” here yesterday evening while sitting on the front stoop with Lee. I love this time of year so much for the way the air feels like a caress and the sun is a gentler presence. It was a bit gnarly through August – very hot, very muggy – and my moment on the stoop reminded me of how lucky I am not to be living in the path of Ida, which has left people without power, water, and other essentials.
Gratitude. Empathy. Too many feelings to process about *waves at all of this* so I’m just pulling in all my tendrils so I don’t get overwhelmed. That, too, is a privilege that I will not take for granted.
IX. What’s happening in Texas. I just don’t even have words.
X. That’s enough of that. Today, the breeze is cool, the sun is gentle, there is MORE LASAGNE for dinner, GG is back on track, and I am ok.
Purple curls photo for tax!
I’m blogging every day in September and you’re welcome to join me.
In my concern for you rushing to see GG and for GG himself, I forgot about the trauma of simply being ‘there’ again for you. It is a pleasure to be there for you in whatever capacity I can (when I say I, I think I’m speaking for many) because you give so much yourself in so many ways. There is power in reciprocity. I’m glad GG is on the right track again and that you are able to relax after doing so much today already. Trust you had a good long soak. <3
When I saw what happened in TX today, I was like, ‘thanks a lot, another idea for our Polish government to probably run with’. Abortion laws here are so tight, I think it would harden a lot of appendages to have an incentive to sue people. Glad you’re back in your own space. TC.
I cried watching the butterfly
Oh Effy, you are a wonderful person, in amongst all that is going on in your life you are doing the blog and the sale ( which I thankyou for as I am one that has taken you up on it and I thank you for the time you have had to put in to answer my emails)
September, beautiful September is here, its time for change, for cooling, for hibernation preparation, for looking after ourselves. I too go quiet when i need to process and it stresses those around me, i just want to be left alone right when they need me to be there.. see my last 2 days posts that was what my “meh” was all about. Thank you Effy for being your wonderful kind amazing self. Much love and hugs
PTSD and C-PTSD are just absolutely ghastly beasts. I’m glad you had comforting company and woke up feeling better this morning <3
And thank you for this: "I will have honoured the spirit of 30 posts in 30 days.*" as I missed yesterday and woke up feeling a bit defeated and struggled to post and share today.
*tears*
You amaze me too.
Much love for you, dear Effy.
I am so impressed by how you are coping with all this – you are amazing and inspiring.
I had to laugh about September. I was with you all the way until you talked about August, and I remembered that we are living different seasons! August here was cold and wet and windy. In September, here it is spring and the air does indeed feel like a gentle caress, but not in an autumnal way.
I still feel the urge to be going back to school every September
Glad you are back home and centering yourself. I look forward to my new BOD classes, even tnough I haven’t finished last years…….Love your hair xoxo
I don’t know how you accomplish all that you do with all the “feels” you’re going through. Yes carbs are so good for when we need them. I needed mashed potatoes and gravy tonight. Thank you so much for the butterfly video. It was so moving and so true. Purple is my favorite color and it looks good on you. Thank you for opening up blogging again. Sending you much love.
You have done so much! I’m glad it’s feeling more like September (it is here, too). Wishing you a much smoother and easier rest of the month.
All hail the power of carbs! And you are not the only one behind dear Effy, I just wrote my first blog today. I said I would try so I am going to be adding two more very soon. I love ya lady, and I hope that things continue to stay good for GG.
You are pure magic. I love you. x
Love the purple hair! Years ago, when my hair started turning gray, I told my granddaughters “yes, you can dye my hair, but only purple”…which they did…Fun times!!
What do photos for tax mean?