I. I’m working on two paintings today because I am in the weeds and I owe things for collabs + for my own programs and I’m supposed to leave for fest on the 15th, which means everything I would normally have to do by the 25th or so each month has to be done before I leave. OMGDOOM.

It’s a good thing I love what I do because I have to do A LOT OF IT over the next few days.

II. This painting is almost finished. She’s got a wicked bad case of the blues so she’s gone in search of water and stars because that’s what we do when we need healing.

She’s one of three lessons I’m creating for Make Create Express, and one of them will be featured in the free tempter session that’s taking place July 9th and 10th. Have you signed up yet? 

III. I’m doing everything I can to keep my head above water, including putting honey in my coffee instead of stevia because I need a little sweetness today. The windows are open. The sun is shining. The birds are singing.

IV. Unfortunately, it’s also true that the entire neighbourhood is doing some kind of landscaping so the soundtrack of my life is currently lawnmowers and tree trimmers, and the breeze that’s floating in through my windows is full of allergens, but whatever. It’s cool enough today that I can work without sweating, so I’ll take it. :)

V. I’ve got dinner with Kimi on a patio somewhere (there are *many* within walking distance from my house, so the possibilities are endless) planned for this evening once I slay my list. I’m hoping to have enough done that I can go do that without feeling stressed out or pressed for time. Wish me lucks!

VI. I will be working all weekend. If I get what needs doing done before I go to fest, it will be worth it, so I’m only complaining a little.

VII. FEST. My gods, how I’ve missed fest. I’m also terrified of fest, because COVID is still a thing and now, apparently, so is Monkeypox but I can’t remain in isolation forever. None of us can. Fest will be spent mostly outdoors, and I’ll be sharing a cabin with people who are already in my bubble, so I just have to believe it will all be okay, and if I get COVID again, chances are I’ll survive. Right? RIGHT? Right. Heh. Whenever I get stressed about fest I remember that our fire pit will be on the beach in front of the water. That thought alone is giving me life. TOES IN THE SAND! WATER AND FIRELIGHT! BRING IT ON!

VIII. I don’t miss him every second of every day anymore. The heart heals. Grief ebbs. I’m glad to find myself here before fest because I could see fest being kinda gut-wrenching if I was still missing him all the time. I’m sure it’ll come up while I’m there, but thankfully it’s taking place on an entirely different site, so I won’t be tripping over memories every corner I turn. I’m grateful.

IX. Typing this up was a slog through COVID fog, but it also felt like “brain yoga”. I’m out of practice, for sure, and the words don’t flow like they used to, but maybe if I keep doing it, it’ll get easier? I live in hope.

X. Being in touch with myself feels like a matter of great urgency at the moment, so I’m making space for that as I’m able. I *definitely need* a media break. I *definitely need* to find ways to fill my time that aren’t screen-related. I am *definitely* using media to distract myself *from* myself, which is understandable in times like these butandalso I know that media – mainstream and social – manipulates us with clickbait and hot takes and makes us feel like shit. i quipped (ironically, on the socials) last night about wanting someone to put me in touch with that phoneless guy who is too busy being enchanted by a waterfall to know who he’s supposed to be pissed off by or what he’s supposed to be afraid of BECAUSE I WANT DIRECTIONS TO THE WATERFALL.

I’m only half-joking. :)

If I didn’t make my living here, I’d probably opt out – at least for a while – because I’m starting to feel the weight of knowing too much about shit that doesn’t matter and not enough about shit that does.

We do what we can.

*Wanders off to go paint*

P.S. Schminke super granulating paints (I have the Galaxy collection) are lickable.

Maybe this is can be my waterfall?

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