We Did It!

Well, a bunch of us did it, or at least, did part of it! YAHOO!

I ran out of steam nearing the end due to having way too much personal shit to deal with and not enough emotional energy to deal with anything else. But still! I managed to get most days in, and I consider that a win! And, because I skipped a few days, I feel nudged to keep on blogging. Win win.

it was good. Some good writing came out of it. Some new connections. Some renewed connections. And the reminder that, yes, I can do this. I can write like this, regularly, openly. And when I write, my people show up to read. Maybe not in droves, but at least a few will come leave some love and understanding, or tell me how they were served by what I wrote, and that’s priceless, I think.

So, what’s next? We just keep doing our thing, I guess. For me, that means slaying the usual lists, making the content, painting the paintings, and coming in here as often as I can to keep you posted on the state of Effy. Thank you again for being here for the ride, no matter how many days you wrote/read.

We rock!

xo
Effy

Find me on Facebook, Instagram  and Patreon

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.

P.S. This contest to win $4400 worth of art resources is still open! Check it out!! 

 

Be Loving, Be Kind, But Have Boundaries Like A Scorpion

I skipped blogging yesterday, and in fact, the entire Internet while I wandered off to do things other than fume and burn furiously at the world at large. 

It all became too much for me, so I packed up my toys, kicked sand as I departed, and went home.

I doodled, and noodled, and puttered. I fed myself steak and asparagus and swilled Sauv Blanc. I ignored everything except the music that was playing, the dogs and the cat, and the weather (which was glorious). 

Last night, I packed a little drawing kit and headed off to my friend, Sal’s place for more Sauv Blanc and some drawing mentorship. She’s going to help me upgrade my skills by nudging me in the direction of doing some more technical explorations. I’m going to work with Drawing on The Right Side of the Brain, and see where that takes me. I’m going to draw different things every day, and see where that takes me. 

I’m hunkering down, honing in. 

I’m also, I realize, extremely fucking angry. I’m trying on new boundaries, like saying exactly how I want people respond to something I post. Like asking for the exact thing that I need.

“Space, less space, no advice, no ‘education’, no debate, or sure, let’s debate, education me, advise me,  come closer, go the fuck away…”

It is being met with varying degrees of respect – mostly respect by those I consider my wildlings. There’ve been a few who saw the boundary and just came right on in to knock it down – some out of carelessness (didn’t read the entire post). Some out of what seems to be a general sense of rapeyness, as in Oh HEY! I see you don’t want me to do this thing, so I’m just going to leave my consent violation all over this post. 

I realized this morning that I am dwelling too much on the latter, and not enough on the former, so I’m shifting focus. To those who *get* boundaries, who *have* boundaries, and who respect them, thank you. Bless you. You make my world a better place. For those who skimmed, and missed the boundaries, I forgive you. Please be gentle with me while we are grappling with Incel and the mass violence in Toronto, and the sexual assault trial, and my own sensitivity and work around dismantling white supremacy + family fuckery + general exhaustion and stress. If I seem pricklier than usual, I am. It’s not you. It’s me. 

I have really nothing to say to those who are rapey on purpose. 

***

I spent my morning getting Full Moon up for my Moonbeams. I am working with the fierce power of Scorpio. Intense energy, and needful at the moment. This is what I painted (and demonstrated) for the class. 

I’m going to wander off now, and take today and tomorrow to be with myself as much as possible. I want no social, no interactions except those that are absolutely needful, or those that come with fur. 

I hope you have a super gorgeous weekend!

P.S. This contest to win $4400 worth of art resources is still open! Check it out!! 

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.

Yielding Back In

I’ve been working on this for about a week now. She’s keeping me company.

I have not had many words about this last week or so in my life, and the words I have had have been mostly reserved for emails to my therapist, to the people involved, and my private journal, so blogging just didn’t happen.

I was about to apologize, but no. That is such a Canadian thing to do, eh? Instead, I’m going to thank you for giving me some space to figure my shit out over the last few days, and to those of you who are still participating in the month long Blog Along, thank you for continuing to do your thing even while I had to go blanket fort for a while.

My boundaries are shifting a lot, lately, which is a thing that’s bound to happen when one has been in therapy for five years. But the thing about shifting boundaries is that there are going to be people in your life who will experience these shifts as personal attacks. Suddenly, you’ve got your hand up with a big FUCK NO (as gently as you can, but still. NO), and that can be a shock to their system, because up until that moment, they were getting a lot of softness and yielding and maybe even fawning. And if they haven’t also been in therapy for five years, well, their reaction to your shifting boundaries can be emotionally violent, and since my boundaries are relatively new, and since putting them in place in the first place has been difficult and painful, and traumatic, well…

I’m a bit of a quivering bundle of overwhelmed nervous system.

All of this is made more difficult by the fact that I can’t, in good conscience, write about it except in the vaguest and most cryptic terms, which I loathe doing, so I try to avoid that. I share what I need to share with the people I need to share it with in order that I can get the support I need to get through it, but otherwise, no. Just, no. Not telling these stories. FUCK these stories. Though I may share with my patrons when things shake out a bit more and I’ve gleaned the wisdom out of it.

***

Meanwhile, there’s this list of things that are coming due at the end of this month, and I’ve had a few seriously glitches that have put me way behind schedule. On Sunday, I was all proud of myself because I was ahead of the game with filming, and then I realized that my computer somehow lost THREE HOURS OF FILMING. I spent three hours looking for the files before I finally threw my hands up in despair. Thanks, Universe! You sure do know how to kick a girl when she’s down sometimes!

The last two days, I could have really pushed myself to just ‘get ‘er done’, but I didn’t. I did a lot of deep breathing, and laying in bed with the fur babes listening to audio books. I did a lot of mindless Netflix surfing, and swilling all the wine, and eating ALL THE CARBS as a way to self-soothe (oops, but damn, those potato skins were GOOD!). I hunkered down, and let the fur babes tend me – they’re such lovely little attendants, you know? It’s like, they can sense my system overload, and they just quietly press their little bodies to my back or hip or thigh, and soothe just by being there.

I’m pretty sure all that was needful and good, but it’s left me looking at my list with a wild eyed omgdoom feeling that I hope will pass when I start to slay the list. I managed to get a big chunk of the writing part of it done yesterday, even though I was feeling like I was probably only going to churn out gibberish. It wasn’t gibberish, thankfully, and thankfully, I have the world’s best beta reader in place who is always ready to read my things and tell me if they are or are not gibberish. (Thank you, Muppet!).

So today is for an easing back in to doing the things that need to be done so I can fulfill my obligations to my Wildlings. There needs to be a full moon painting, with all the accompanying musings, a pdf about the month of May, (written, check!) a supplemental PDF about the hinge of the year (Beltaine and Samhain – written, CHECK!), for Moonshine, an edition of Journal52 to release (art made, CHECK!), and a brand new lesson for Book of Days (which is the filming I lost) on using charcoal and limited palettes. I’ve also got a bunch of promo stuff to do if I’m going to survive the second half of the year. There’s a huge giveaway coming, a sale on a thing, and an announcement about another thing I’m teaching in, a new post for the design team I’m on, a lesson due for a thing in June, and a new edition of Mixed Tape Monthly so I can get back on track with the publishing schedule over on there.

Then there’s this apartment, which is swiftly getting out of hand in the disaster department. And in the midst of all that, I’m trying to do some healing, and have some social time, and get outside a little bit to enjoy the onset of spring. And I just started my period.

So, you know. Send mojo. I’mma need it.

I think that’s all I can manage today. I just needed to yield back into the blogging thing with a bit of a brain dump. Thanks, as ever, for listening.

xo

Effy

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.

 

The Edge

Today (and yesterday) has been very traumatic for me. I’ve spent about 72 hours in a state of constant anxiety – verging on panic attack, swinging into panic attack, and then yielding out again. I am applying self-empathy liberally, and I’ve also been in touch with my best girlfriend, and my therapist throughout.

So, I am okay, but in ‘trauma warrior’ mode, which requires my full, unerring vigilance so I don’t fall back into old, self-destructive patterns. I know what I have to do. I have the skills. I have the support. I’m going to use them.

That being said, painting is everything right now, so this is both how I’m keeping myself from going off the deep end, and all I’ve got for the blog along.

Finished this beauty this weekend. She’s mixed media on paper. Spray inks, acrylics, metallic paints and pens, India ink markers, coloured pencils…

The camera truly cannot capture this beauty, even though this was photographed in natural light. I call her “Silver Girl”. If I can manage to get a good image of her, I might make prints.

And there’s this, which I started this morning so I can have it ready in time for BOD2018, Session Two to begin in May. My peeps have been requesting three quarter portraits, and charcoal tutorials, so I’m aiming to please even though this is *way* outside fo my own personal comfort zone.

This is a cross between Frida and Marie, charcoal with a limited palette. She’s still in progress. I can’t wait to see how she turns out.

And just because I love you, I want to share my ear worm with you.

I’m feeling this. Exactly this. As rough as things are right now, as painful it is to have the scales falling from my eyes the way they are, as much as I am fucking dreading what comes next, I really, deeply feel exactly like this.

I’m on the edge of glory. I swear to fucking god. Just you wait and see.

 

 

 

Strength VIII {Poem}

Strength VIII

She is all heart rage
as she wraps pale hands
around his muzzle

and I’m all envy,
watching.

I know her secret
but I don’t have her power,
to look unflinchingly
beyond the fangs,
to hear beyond the raging roar,
to love beyond reason.

I’m not crowned in forever.
I’m finite.
I’m human.

I envy her, I do,
but my hands bleed
when they are bitten.

©Effy Wild

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.

Spring Is Done With Your Shenanigans, Winter

Since the weather outside has not been cooperating with my desire for spring, I did a little weather art/magick over a period of three days and painted my own version of how pissed off Spring is with Winter hanging around like it’s been doing.

She’s mixed media. She started with charcoal on paper, and then progressed from there with layers of fluid acrylics, acrylic inks, clear gesso, Prismacolor pencil, modelling paste, Faber Castell Marker, gold pen, and Sakura Glaze pen.

I finished her yesterday evening, and today? Today the sun is out, and it was light jacket weather.

So, maybe I’m a weather witch, or maybe I’m not, but I got a painting AND good weather for my efforts either way.

***

In Other News

In case you hadn’t heard, Journal52 is still on sale for $20 until the end of this blog hop. I hope to see you there, since it is a lovely nudge in the direction of creating something on a weekly basis. I released this last week’s edition to everyone for free over on my Patreon, so if you’d like to snag that, you can do that here. 

About The Blog Along

Every year, twice a year, once in April, and again in September, I blog every day for a month, and invite others to do the same. We have a Facebook group, and in that group the only rule is that for every link you post to your own blog, you go off and read three other blogs and leave a comment. This is simply a way to ensure that a community happens rather than just a ‘promo’ group. You’re welcome to join in as long as you are willing to read and comment on three blogs for every blog you post. Click here to join us!  If you’re too busy for that, you’re welcome to just blog on your own for a month. Easy peasy. No one is keeping score. There are no prizes except that you get to build your own readership by regularly populating your blog with good content.

To read all my entries for the Blogalong, please click here to access the Blogalong With Effy Category on my blog.