I. Burn out is real. My art witches are cutting me some slack throughout December, and that will help, but holy fucking overwhelm. My mental health isn't great. I have COVID fatigue. I'm being extremely gentle with myself. Heat and serve. Ignoring housework. Wearing...

I. It's been a while because, year-end and month-end and I have been dancing between yellow and red on this infographic.  I keep having to remind myself that this isn't *just a me thing*. This is *a we thing*. I'm not alone. Neither are you. It's okay to not be okay....

I. Mars went direct a couple of days ago, and I swear I could feel the shift in my body. I tend to be quite skeptical about these things being more than metaphors, but my entire feed lit up with "I suddenly feel better", and I was among them. The relief was palpable....

I. I have not had the heart to write in a while. I kept opening up this little box of light with my fingers poised over the keys, but nothing would come. There is this emptiness... II. ...but, yesterday, I dragged myself out of the blanket fort, cleaned the kitchen,...

I. It's freezing in here this morning so I bumped up the heat a bit, poured up a coffee, and crawled back into bed with my laptop. It's a slow day today since I put the replay of yesterday's Jam up already so there's nothing to do but putter around with graphics for...

I. The writing hasn't been flowing as easily lately, mostly because I feel like a broken record, butandalso, I know that's not true. The shifts may be tiny, but they're happening. The dance may include a few steps back here and there, but mostly, the steps are steps...

I. Today is better. Less wild-eyed in my misery. I feel myself rising a little again after a few days of spiralling. I'm trusting the process. II. I got everything done for month-end except for the parts where I talk to the camera, and I'm saving that for tomorrow...

I. Month-end, so you know. The usual omgeverythingisdueallatoncedoom. II. I keep somehow managing to deliver what was promised despite the state of things and I am proud of that, but also wondering about the state of my innards given that things are what they are, and...

I. I wrapped myself in fleece for a nap while it poured down rain. The sound of it on the skylight. The thunder. It made me ridiculously happy to be cosy and warm with the dogs flanking me like watchers, one on either side. Little beauties. II. My low back is not...

I. It didn't even occur to me when I named my last blog "Chapter 52" that it is a phrase that also means bankrupt. I have to tell you, I like it even more now. Let me tell you why. The experience of the last 2 years did bankrupt me in a sense. The love and then the...

I. Virtual Harvestfest was beautiful and everything I needed it to be. It was so good to see the faces of my fest fam, even if only over Zoom. I spent the weekend in the cradle of the kind of love you can never lose, and I experienced some deep, deep healing. Clawed...

I. Therapy yesterday. I was having feels about how it seems my life has gone to hell in a handbasket in the years since I've been doing all this inner work. The losses I've experienced are staggering, and the grief is intense, and I've been hitting a wall lately....

I. I don't know how to trust myself anymore. I believed so fiercely (most days) in every word he said, but words stopped aligning with actions, and now I don't know what was true and what wasn't. I'm doing this dance between believing nothing was true (searing) and...

I. I used to love this part of things. Doing a run through the house to make it ready. Ordering the things we'd need for the weekend. Soaking in the tub with a glass of wine after setting the scene and lighting the candles. The anticipation.Taking a loving look at...