I do not understand time right now. How is it already April 11th? WHAT IS HAPPENING? I feel like a kid on a merry-go-round – hanging on for dear life while the thing spins me into a state of panic and vertigo, and I know I’m not alone.
I keep opening this little portal of light with my fingers hovering over the keyboard, but everything I want to tell you isn’t quite ripe enough to share yet. Everything that’s alive in me is a little too raw for anything but vaguebooking and cryptograms and that is just not my jam. It used to be, trust me, but these days I am incredibly sensitive to how easy it is to read a thing and wonder “are they talking about me?”.
Unless you’ve been intimately involved with me in meatspace, no, it’s not about you, but still. It’s so uncomfortable to read someone’s “no context and no fucks given” update, isn’t it?
Unless it’s poetry, and then, somehow that covers a multitude of sins, but I have writer’s block at the moment, so that’s not happening either.
Butandalso I am art journaling like my hair is on fire, so I am letting it all out – just not necessarily in a way that is comprehensible to anyone but me, so this space has been neglected. I’d apologize for that, but truly, I’m not sorry. The space I’m holding for myself right now feels sacred.
Let me share the things I can, though.
I’m doing #the100dayproject, which I tweaked so that there is no “behind”. Last time I attempted this, getting behind totally ruined it for me because I had no idea how to be gentle with myself and break the rules that were standing in the way of my continuing. This time, I’ve given myself so much grace. I’m on day #45. Everyone else is on day #49. I do not care. I truly don’t. I have done FORTY-FIVE process videos. FORTY-FIVE.
I’m super chuffed with myself.
That’s it for now. This is me, trying to break the seal.
Sending love to all the places that need it.