Sister Of Clay

I. I love the story of Adam’s first wife, Lilith, who was also formed of clay, like Adam and was created to be Adam’s equaL. Adam couldn’t handle it. Lilith was banished. Eve was formed of Adam’s bone.

I am a sister of clay, not of bone.

II. Pottery, to me, feels like a part of my lineage somehow, even though it is *not* coming naturally and even though I struggle with every part of the process. This experience requires me to have a sense of humour, to be willing to fail and fail and fail, and to celebrate my successes even when they come after many flops.

This is very, very good for me.

III. My experience with the teacher was quite different today, and I have silently forgiven him for having an off day while simultaneously congratulating myself because if this were the me of several years ago, I would have quit after the first class. I’m glad I didn’t.

IV. These are the pots I threw tonight.

Things started off really rough because I wasn’t really getting the “open and then widen” thing. Everything was too bottom-heavy and very wobbly. I tossed six failed pots in the discard bucket while whispering words of thanks that this stuff is recycled and nothing is wasted.

After I threw the first (very wobbly wabi sabi) pot that was worth cutting off the bat, I made the second one that looks like a bowl. Something clicked. Then I lost it again and made three lumps of discarded clay. Then I went for a little walk to clear my head and came back into to studio to sit and stare at my neighbour, who was making beautiful, consistent pots. Saw the way he opened and widened and decided to try it. Did a good pot. Did three failed pots (pulled too fast, didn’t open enough, sliced my clay open with a fingernail). Did two pots that made me ridiculously happy.

V. This is *really, really good for me*.

VI. I am a Sister of Clay.

VII. So, next week we learn to turn and trim, and the week after we do glazes. I’ve got ten pots made – all different shapes and sizes – but I’m super excited to see how they turn out. I’m betting a couple will explode because they are *very* bottom-heavy, but at least a few will survive.

VIII. I am thinking about taking the beginner’s class again just so I can get some practice in on the whole centering, opening, widening, and pulling thing. There is also a hand-building class coming up at the studio’s other location and I think I’ll take that as well. I want to make little paint pots and palettes. Wouldn’t that be sweet?

IX. Full Vine Moon in Pisces. What a lovely way to spend it.

Stopping at nine because it’s my favourite number.


Water and Stars

I. I stepped away from the blog for a few days because I did a LOT of social and work and found myself completely out of bandwidth. And that’s ok! This is post 16/30 and puts me four posts behind. Also ok!

II. I did a Journal Jam today at 10 a.m. – something I am not accustomed to at all. I found myself a little quieter than usual because mornings are for silence and coffee and not peopling in my world. It was a good Jam though and I really enjoyed myself! You can watch the replay here. 

III. We had to change the schedule for our jams since GG, who tracks the prompts, is now working full time and his shift starts at 1 p.m. We could have moved the jams to Friday, but that would mean he’s working for his mom on his day off, and that just didn’t work *for me*. I want him to have his days off be days off! So, 10 a.m. will be the new Jam time from here on out. I’ll get used to it. :)

IV. Pottery class today! I am chomping at the bit!

V. Meanwhile, my house is a disaster so I’m going to spend some time putting it right.

VI. I’m feeling the full moon big time. I will take my own advice today and seek water and stars.

VII. I think this is all I’ve got today and *that’s okay*.


Exhausted In Advance

Yesterday was a very full day that included laundry, which actually got folded, dishes, which actually got put away, and painting, the filming of which actually got edited and TWO social events, one of which kept me up until the wee hours having deep talks with a bestie.

Today included much nappage, putting up Journal52, and this fun with black gesso, glazes, and relief paste. Like so.

And that’s today because tomorrow includes a live session with my witches and another backyard social gathering, and while I’m excited and content I am also exhausted in advance. ;)

This is 15/30 posts in my September Blog Along which puts me only 2 posts behind. Woohoo!

It Must Have Been Love

I. This popped up in my FB feed and I laughed out loud because doesn’t this first Mondegreen just describe my life from October 2018 to August 2020? I do not think we had one sober encounter the entire time we were together. We were drunk the night we met in 2008. We were drunk when we finally decided to cross over into lovers in 2018. Drinking is a part of fest, yanno, so there was always Fireball on board. And Caesars. He loved his Caesars.

It was love though. It was. And we didn’t see one another for long stretches so when we did, we went into fest mode. And in between, there were all these lovely emails and text messages and phone calls.

It was love. Is love.

It’s just that I’ve just reached that tender place where I can laugh at myself for going so headlong in on someone who was never going to go headlong in on me.

Story of my life. AMIRITE?

II. Maybe not anymore.

III. Butandalso I am not really looking to go headlong in on someone for a good long time yet. I am *gasp* finally having some sex – only took a year after that breakup to break my celibate streak, but it is lovely, uncomplicated sex that won’t change my life. But I also know what it’s supposed to feel like – the way my body responds when I am deeply in love – and that’s what I’m going to hold out for in terms of going all in on someone.

IV. I never felt that way about anybody before. I wonder if I ever will again. I don’t mind if I don’t, though. Some things you only get to have once in a lifetime, and I’m old enough to know better than to go chasing dragons. I will absolutely love again. Already do to one degree or another. Just not *like that*. Not *that much*. Not that deeply.

And I still do. Always will.

IV. Butandalso I know I deserve much, much more and better than what was on offer. The circumstances were too difficult to navigate. It was too hard. Too complicated. Too fraught.

They say “all you need is love”, but you also need mutual respect and integrity and honesty and some kind of self-awareness and a shared mission. I’mma hold out for all that, and in the meantime, there is sex and affection and friendship.

V. I’ll take it.

VI. Having sex for the first time after a year was hilarious to me. It is *so not like riding a bike*. But. It broke the streak and it was immensely sweet and tender and funny and pleasurable and I am looking forward to doing it again soon.

VII. That’s enough about my sex life, eh? ;) But, seriously. I am also this amongst many other things.

Why yes, I am DTF.

VIII. I have so many fun plans for this month I can hardly believe it. Drinks with friends tonight, then Lee and Battlestar Galactica. Saturday, I have a backyard BBQ. Sunday, I have a gathering with like minded folks + Kimi. Monday, I have pottery class. I’m doing a late night walk to go make offerings to the faeries with my friend Rick at some point next week. There’s another outdoor gathering on the 22nd. I have a house party with friends on the 26th.

IX. Plans for my birthday weekend fell through (we’re doing it on the 18th instead), though, so I’m looking for something fun to do on the first weekend in October. Hit me up if you’ve got any ideas! I do have to teach a weekend retreat (details soon) during the day, but I’ll be free in the evenings.

X. And that’s 14/30 for the blog along. ALMOST CAUGHT UP!

I am a delicate, feminine flower.

Hokay, playing catch up. This is post 13/30 for my blogalongathingy.

I. I wish there were a better way to generate monthly income than Patreon. I love my patrons, but I don’t love the interface etc.
I’m pondering on this.

II. This was lunch today. I know how to love my belly, don’t I?

III. I took delivery on a 52 piece sketching set so I can get into my beginner’s drawing course and I am very stoked about it.

IV. This is what today has looked like so far.

Refreshing my purple! P.S. I’m not naked. I’m wearing a tube dress.

V. Also this.

Art Philosophy by Prima Metallic Accent Watercolors on black gesso because YUM.

VI. Lee is coming over for a late BSG sesh and I am looking forward to it. I will kick him out around 1 a.m. because I am already starting to feel month-end bearing down on me like a motherfucker.

VII. I have pear and elderflower flavoured Absolut vodka chilling because I am in the mood for a grown-up cocktail. I will add a dash of bitters and a splash of soda water and sip it elegantly like the delicate feminine purple-haired flower that I am.

I will do that while wearing pink and black leopard print pajamas because I ooze class!

VIII. Tomorrow, I’m having drinks with friends. Friday, I’m going to reserve for a micro-dosed viewing of Merlin: The Apprentice & Merlin: The Return. This mini-series featuring Sam O’Neill is *charming* and makes me happy. I might also bring my sketchbook to the divan so I can doodle and mark make while I watch.

IX. I have an early celebration of my birth on September 18th, since that’s the only day my friends can make it happen. There will be a hot tub and other shenanigans. I am very excite!

X. GET IN ON THE FREE TASTER FOR LIFE BOOK! I’m doing a Journal Jam + a palette play page and you do not want to miss it!

Click to see these images full-sized and also so you can boop Sybil (featured 2nd row, 1st photo and also in her expressionistic form in the  last two photos) on the nose.

Learning Experiences

I. This is post 12 of 15 that are due for my blog along. I’m just typing that out so I can get how many posts I need to catch up on to make my 30 posts in 30 days.

II. Monday, I went to my first pottery class. I have to admit that I had a few difficult moments because the instructor seemed a little whelmed and occasionally slightly exasperated. I was really struggling with centering and opening because these techniques were demonstrated from about 15 feet away and I am half-blind (literally), so it was hard to see hand positions, etc. I did my best on my own, but did eventually have to ask for some one-on-one guidance (which, while hard for me to ask for, is included in the price of the class).

III. So, anyway, at one point after assisting me, he said to someone across the room that “high energy people” tend to have difficulty with throwing pottery because it’s “so zen” and I started having bad feels about myself, because, yo. I am high energy. I am enthusiastic. I am excitable, and I love to learn. I was giggly and upbeat and totally into it even when I was making flop after flop and getting mud everywhere including my hair, all over my clothes, and on the floor around me. I was in full-on happy child mode which is exactly what I’d hoped to get out of the experience, so I’m not going to lie. This commentary, even if it wasn’t directed at me, stung a bit butandalso being in that state is extremely vulnerable for me so I could very well have been misreading/projecting. 


III. The owner stopped by my station at one point and was the absolute opposite experience for me. Zero sense of his being whelmed or impatient. Helped me figure out what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. Demonstrated alternative hand positions since I was struggling with the ones I’d been shown initially. Absolutely oozed kindness. Left me feeling empowered. Inner kid felt a lot better after that encounter, and you know what? That says a lot about the quality of these two teaching styles.

Let me always strive to provide the latter kind of experience for my students. Let me always check in with myself before I teach to ensure that I am not whelmed or impatient because our inner kids show up to these classes and it is way too easy for them to misinterpret an instructor’s state as being our fault somehow.


IV. Despite the mixed feelings, I didn’t let it ruin my night, and ultimately, after I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this guy wasn’t “doing me a favour” by instructing me – I paid for this instruction – I had a fucking blast, and over the course of the last two days (yes, this experience has taken up some bandwidth in my traumatized brainmeats for sure) I’ve concluded that if my enthusiasm makes me a difficult student or if I’m not “zen enough” for this particular instructor, or if learning will be harder for me because I’m not a quiet little mouse of a zen potter, well, I can live with that.

I walked home after class absolutely covered in clay. I’ve picked up a twelve-pack of bar towels and two aprons because your girl is a VERY MESSY POTTER.

V. Speaking of teacher/student experience, I am taking a beginner’s drawing class (truly for beginners) from New Master’s Academy and in the introduction to the fundamentals course, the instructor talked about thinking of the part of ourselves that wants to learn to draw as a wee soul fragment to whom we must be extraordinarily kind and with whom we should be extraordinarily gentle. My whole body melted and I felt super relaxed and inspired and this amazing teacher will get all my money from now all based on that one little pep talk – one that my students know I give all the time. Thank you Steve Huston. You are a lovely human.

And that’s all I’ve got for now because I’m saving some thoughts for later as I attempt to catch up on my Artfully Wild Blog Along where I’m blogging every day (ish) in September. You are welcome to join me.