I. I’ve been down with varying degrees of dizziness/vertigo for two weeks now, and I’m over it. Leaf mold allergy, probably, since this happens every year around this time if there’s a lot of rain. I’m doing Benadryl and Gravol when it gets really bad.
II. Turmeric and ginger in my coffee in the morning, and turmeric and ginger in my chamomile tea at night. Luscious.
III. Pottery makes me happy. I turned and trimmed 12? 13? pieces yesterday and also got to play with coloured slip. I’m going back next Tuesday to glaze. I can’t wait.
IV. We’ve had issues with a peeping tom on the property for almost a year now. He was caught red handed on Saturday morning, charged, issued a restraining order, and then released. It was a *nightmare* waking up to all that drama (cops on the front lawn – my dogs went off their rocker and my heart aged ten years), and it’s been a nightmare worrying about whether or not he’ll come back, since he is clearly not right in the head and these things have a nasty habit of escalating.
I am feeling very woe, woe, why me as a result because *fuck me can I not get a break?*
V. Since I’ve been leaving the house more, Salem has regressed a bit in her house training. This is unpleasant and frustrating to say the least. Add that to the disaster that my house becomes when I have vertigo, and I’ve been in a state BUT today has been better. I’ve been watching her like a hawk and crating her when I can’t and so far, so good. I also got four loads of laundry done.
In better furbabe news, Sybil has been super snuggly, and I love it.
VI. Here! Have a giveaway!
VII.I still miss him and I’m pissed off about that because I should be over it by now, but nope. Definitely not over it.
VIII. I was talking to a peer last night about how hard it is to be an entrepreneur and feel like you have to be positive all the time and “keep up appearances” in order to succeed. It’s such bullshit. So alienating. Life is a mixed bag of delight and despair and I’m too tired to lie.
IX. I am craving cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches, and I am going to make that happen.
X. And you? How are you? Tell me everything, the delight and despair.
I. And not a teddy bear, either. A red in the fang and claw, big burly cantankerous miserable lumbering dangerous “The Revenant” style bear. But I got through it.
II. The usual autumnal bout of vertigo hit me just in time for Samhain, which annoyed me to no end, and I had a few moments there where I wondered if this was just gonna be my new normal, but nope. Benadryl and Reactine eventually worked and I am no longer spinning off the planet every time I move. Leaf mold allergy. Who’da thunk it? But given that when I went to get tested for allergies my whole arm lit up like a Christmas tree, it figures. Last time it was this bad, it lasted for weeks and weeks, but I got savvy to it this time, so it passed within a week. I expect I’ll grapple with it until the trees are done doing their thing and we have a good blanket of snow, but at least I know how to treat it and that I’m not going to die from it.
III. We had snow yesterday and I loved it. This surprised me because I am usually the kind of girl who will groan and whine and fuss over the onset of winter, but not this time. This time I’m ready for thigh-high cable knit reading socks and my Amigo The Devil plush hooded robe and blanket forting with the furbabes and hot toddies and binge-watching whatever I want.
IV. Mumblefish about things I can’t talk about because they’re too heavy and too painful and not really my story to tell but universe? If you’re listening? Fix it. Thank you.
V. Butandalso there are two big containers of soup to heat and eat today, and the vertigo is gone, and I went to pottery on Tuesday and had some success at centering, opening, and widening, and I’m going back on Saturday to do more of the same and it is the most wholesome thing I’ve ever done – the most grounding and challenging – and there’s this thing they do where you can rent a wheel for a week and make all the pots you can in that time and return the wheel with the pots and they’ll fire them for you and let you use their glazes. This is something I’m going to do this winter. That and handbuild watercolour palettes and paint cups and maybe little offering bowls.
VI. GG is doing a lot better. It was touch and go there for a while, but he is stable and medicated and gainfully employed and in good spirits. I am relieved. We gotta get him moved here, though. I want him close enough to come over for Sunday dinner on the regular, and he wants the same. We’re conspiring. Wish us luck.
VII. I got Moonshine and BOD ready earlier this year than last year and I’m counting that as a victory. I’ve also nailed down what I want to do over on Patreon next year. “Book Of Mirrors”. Uplifting spreads in a Sweet Trash Journal. Some poems, some songs, some quotes. Something for everyone. My patrons are excited about it and so am I.
VIII. Andrea wrote a thing on spiritual bypassing and gaslighting and I was so happy to read it because I have been chafing about this stuff for a long, long time now and it’s good to see I’m not alone. If your response to people in distress is to tell them to look on the bright side, or to abandon them because they’re “too negative” or to offer them unsolicited, useless advice, you’re kind of an asshole, okay? Stop that. It serves no one.
IX. I said what I said.
X. Today is for clawing my house back from the week of vertigo, and I’m resentful that the dishes have not yet learned how to do themselves, but in other news, I look like this in this hat so it’s not all bad.
A friend took this picture during a Ladies Night with the next-door neighbours on a Saturday before the vertigo hit and now a hat just like this is on its way to me because I *need this hat*. This hat is life!
Oh, and also! I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in a million years and went to an actual party and that was super fun and memorable.
And this was me after teaching the second in a new series of weekend retreats that I’m doing now that I know how much I love teaching “live” in a Zoom room full of engaged and lovely human beans.
There. Proof of life.
P.S. Art Bundles for Good went on sale today and my Journal Jam Retreat is included. Get it!
I. I am hoping that this is my last October in this headspace. That’s the hope. *Fingers crossed*
II. Meanwhile, the weekend got much, much better. The girls next door had me over and we talked until the wee hours. It was delightful. Sunday was for puttering and working and being extremely gentle with myself and so was Monday. Yesterday was for filming and editing and laundry and yet more puttering.
III. This got finished for A Year Of Mary
IV. This got finished for New Moon
V. I finished figuring out who teaches in what month in BOD2022, so I’m getting there with putting that together so it can open for registration on November 15th. Moonshine 2022 is also almost ready.
VI. I put this together for next weekend.
Friday, Saturday and Sunday live on Zoom with forever access to the replays after. It’s going to be amazing. Here’s a video promo:
I don’t think I’ve ever actually made one of those before! It was super fun!
VII. Stuff going on with the family that I can’t talk about but whoa. The worries. I am aging exponentially as we speak, yo.
VIII. I am ok, though. Everything is moving in the direction it should be. I’m hanging in there.
IX. I’m here today because I didn’t want that last post to sit here as the first thing on the page for any longer. After I wrote it, I pulled the six of swords and that was a good nudge in the direction of “Okay, missy. Time to move on.”
X. Insert many thoughts here about how much easier it would be to move on if I knew what I was moving towards and how tired I am of the pandemic and how much I wish I had someone who was adept at navigating life to take me by the hand and help me figure out *waves at all of this*. But also thoughts about how at least pottery is awesome and how well work is going and how much I love my people. So, yanno. It’s a mixed dozen around here as usual. Heh. :)
I. This is a thing we used to say to each other, and I miss saying it. I also hate feeling it because,yo. I miss your fucking face.
II. This is the hardest weekend of the year for me because right now, at this time every year, I’d be either anticipating your arrival, or you’d have already shown up and we’d be hanging out. I am *gutted* tonight. Gutted. I’m Sinead O’Conner level fucked up over the loss of you tonight.
III. I *will* move past it though. I am doing all the spiritual work I need to do to make sure of that. All the therapeutic work. All the self-inquiry. All the fucking work.
IV. But tonight is not *fine* with me. I am not fine.
V. I miss your face.
VI. I am writing into a void. If you’re smart, you’re not reading this. You’re not reading anything. You have disappeared and nothinged me. But you, Trailer Park, were never all that smart, so I suspect you are reading this. Ya fuckin’ donut.
VII. I poured you up a shot of Fireball. It’s sitting by George who is guarding it for you. I whispered in his ears that I want you happy, over it, well, and thoroughly moved on and George said “You’re lying” so the work is a work in progress. Most of this is true. I want you happy and well. I do not want you over it or moved on. I want you missing my face. I want you full of egrets.
are they stability? My love. I hope they are stability af.
Full of them. I want you to have anniversaries like I have anniversaries. I want you drunk on the garage floor with my name in your mouth. I want there to be things you hear or see that make your guts flip. I want you gutted.
VIII. I do not like what this says about me, but I can live with it because unlike you, I can live with all my parts.
IX. You should come hang out with me and learn to live with all your parts.
X. In my dreams, we are just about to walk up the hill toward the fire. I put on something pretty because you called me a beautiful woman once and I believed you. You take my hand. We have all we need. The buffalo skin we’ll spread out by the fire. The cooler of whatever we’re drinking – Caesar’s and Fireball and maybe some Buttershots. You look at me like maybe I am magick and I am happy and certain and ready for whatever comes next.
XI. I miss your face. <insert a bunch of swearing because I really fucking miss your fucking face>.
XII. Our people are gathering tonight, virtually. We’re doing a burn. Last time we all did a burn in person, I watched you help to manage the burn. Your tall, broad frame at ready to save the fucking world if anything went awry. My triple A, Mine, I thought. You strode back my way and you called me Ivory tower. I laughed at you and called you Trailer Park. Laurie wandered over to tell us we were one of her favourite couples. You took my face in your hands and kissed me soundly. There was applause. I was *yours*, I thought. You were mine. I was yours.
XIII. I was wrong, though, and I wish I’d known sooner, because dude.
XIV. It’s a year on now and I’m still pretty much gutted.
XV. My love, my love. I miss your face. I really fucking miss your face.
I. I spent all of Saturday making perogies with Lee. I haven’t done perogies in AGES so it was super fun to dust off my inner domestic goddess and do the thing I used to love to do. There was music and wine, laughter and hip wiggling, and eventually, dinner, which Lee put together for us since after making two huge pans of perogies (a bacon laden batch and a vegetarian batch), I was spent.
II. He went home at ten and I finished my night with the news and then an audiobook. I slept like a baby.
III. Yesterday was spent putting some final touches on things for month-end, and once that was done, I put on some outside clothes and headed over to a dinner party hosted in a new friend’s backyard. I put my offering of perogies on the table and then set myself down by the fire to tend it. Wherever there’s a fire going, there you will find me. It’s in my DNA to be a firekeeper, I think.
IV. It was the perfect evening. Smart people thrill me and everyone there was smart as whips. The conversation was far-ranging and intimate. Everyone had something in common so there was a lot of vibing and resonance and plans made for future gatherings. There was gentle ribbing, banter, and puns that made me exclaim I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE.
I’m so glad I moved here.
V. My perogies were a hit, which always pleases me. Our hosts are also fab cooks so every morsel we ate for dinner was fantastic.
VI. The mosquitos came out around eight p.m. so we all cleared out and I headed home to spent a few hours solo, which was much needed because I’ve been a social butterfly lately!
VII. Tonight, I’m heading off to pottery class where I will learn about trimming and turning!
VIII. There’s a giveaway on the blog. Click here to get in on it!
IX. I didn’t make my thirty posts in thirty days but I feel like the blogging habit has taken hold once again and I’m hoping to keep it up this time.
X. Thanks, as ever, for hanging out with me.
Thank you all for entering the giveaway! I am pleased to announce that Kaye Shanks has won the giveaway and she has been notified!
Happy Monday, lovelies! I’m giving away a seat in Life Book 2022 AND the free taster sessions start TODAY!
HOW TO ENTER: Just leave a comment letting me know why you’d love to come along for the ride this year and I will draw the winner on October 10th!
In Other News!! We Start Tomorrow!!! Are you in?
Registration is open for the Life Book 2022 Free Taster Sessions! The program starts on the 27th of this month, so that’s MONDAY!! WOO HOO! Get two weeks of art instruction and get to know the teachers who will be featured in next year’s program!
If you already know you’re in, please use coupon code ARTJOY30 to get 30% off of your purchase of Life Book 2022!!
I did a lesson on Journal Jamming and how it’s changed my creative practice for the better. I also demonstrated what I do with my “palette pages” as a bonus.
See you in there!